Possession
by I-Have-A-Dark-Side
Summary: 'I was the girl on fire, their girl on fire and now I'm the girl who sets them on fire. I ignite their wants and desires. I please them, tease them and bring them to their own burning releases... I am the Capitols possession.' Winning the 74th Hunger Games doesn't mean the games stop, in fact they are only just beginning and Katniss has to learn the rules quickly... enter Finnick!
1. Chapter 1

**AN: **So this is my second Hunger Games fanfic story. I know I shouldn't really be posting another one but I just couldn't help it. I hope you all enjoy this, I love feedback, thoughts and opinions so please let me know...

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing, all characters, places, people, names etc. belong to their respective owners.

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**Possession**

I was the girl on fire, _their_ girl on fire and now I'm the girl who sets them on fire. I ignite there wants and desires. I please them, tease them and bring them to their own burning releases.

I awake their senses.

I am theirs.

There is no escape.

I am the Capitols possession.

_One_

I won. I won the 74th Hunger Games. I was happy, of course, I would get to go home, for a little while at least, but _he _wouldn't. Peeta; my District partner, a boy I had grown to care for... the boy who admitted he loved me and in the end died for me.

He had died in front of me, him and Cato. It was the District 2's last kill. I remembered his words '_Go on. Shoot. Then we both go down and you win. Go on! I'm dead anyway – I always was, right?_' I couldn't find it in me to hate the career, he spoke with such despair that I felt sorry for him. His eyes were filled with a crazed need to make his District proud and so with that, he and Peeta had fallen over the edge of the Cornucopias.

"Sweetheart," I turned to see Haymitch, the man who had helped me win. Who watched over me like a silent, albeit drunk, guardian angel.

I had been brought back to the training facility, level 12. It was oddly empty. It had been four days since I'd won, I would have to get ready for the interview soon and my crowning as Victor. I would have to see _him. _

I fell apart and he cradled me in his arms, soothing me as best as he could. "I thought it would be over, if I won the Hunger Games then I would be free."

Haymitch sighed beneath me. He smelt familiar, like mint and alcohol, the scent calmed me slightly. It was familiar in this new unfamiliar world.

"None of us are ever truly free," he whispered sadly.

I closed my eyes and the conversation I had with President Snow earlier entered my mind before I could push it away...

_I had been polished, buffed and shined. Any scares I bore were removed. It was like I had never been in the Hunger Games. If only the mind was so easily cleansed but I knew I would always have the mental scars. _

_I smelt him before I saw him; his overpowering scent of roses and blood filling the room. I turned slowly, wondering why the President of all people would want to see me first. _

"_There is something about you Miss Everdeen, a fire. It burns as brightly as a hundred candle flames. You give people hope, you set their hearts ablaze with emotion...but flames are easy to snuff out." _

_I knew a threat when I heard one but the reason behind it was unknown. All I had done was win, surely he would not kill me for winning? It seemed to defeat the point of a Victor after all. _

"_Things will be expected of you my dear," he began. "I expect you to follow instructions. You have a debt to repay Miss Everdeen; those who kept you alive now want their prize." _

_I knew instantly what he was talking about. What he wanted me to do. It was then I realised winning the Hunger Games was only the beginning; in the Capitol you would always be playing a game. _

"_What if I don't agree?" I asked._

_His smile was sickening and set in twisted happiness. "You love your family don't you Katniss," I stilled at his words. "What's your sister's name again?" _

_My hatred for him tripled but so did my fear. He couldn't hurt her, not her. "Primrose," I whispered my voice shaking._

_Snow smiled, "it would be a shame if something happened to her and of course your friend, Gale is it?" _

_I received the message loud and clear. I do as I'm told and no one gets hurt. I step out of line and my world, my sister and my bestfriend, will suffer. _

"_Congratulations Miss Everdeen, you fought bravely" and with that he left the room..._

"Hey sweetheart," Haymitch whispered. I realised I was shaking; the memory had descended upon me leaving me with no escape. President Snow made my skin crawl, from the look in his eyes to the amused twitch of his lips. He was a twisted man.

"I'm scared Haymitch," it wasn't often that I showed my weakness or my emotions. But everything was weighting down on me, I felt like I was drowning with waves crashing over head, I couldn't escape; I wanted to, but I couldn't.

I had never kissed a boy before. I'd never seen them in that light. I knew what would be expected of me, I would become a plaything, a possession, a whore. I would do it, for Prim and for Gale, I would do anything to protect them but how could I protect them by doing something I knew nothing about?

"I know sweetheart, I know but it'll be ok," even I could hear the uncertainty in his voice. It won't be ok, I decide then but it will have to do. I volunteered so Prim would be safe, I had faced many obstacle and almost certain death; this next hurdle would not stop me.

I wiped away my tears and then stood, Haymitch watched me carefully, his eyes concerned. I tried to smile but I feared it was more of a grimace. It struck me then that I was never very good at pretending, I could hide emotions but I couldn't pretend. _The Capitol will never fall for it! _I began to panic and Haymitch, knowing me better than I sometimes knew myself, grabbed hold of me once more and pulled me into his parental embrace.

"Katniss, sweetheart, it's going to be," he tried to sooth me but it wouldn't work. It couldn't work. I was too het up to listen to comforting words or even feel safe in his familiar embrace.

"They will never believe me Haymitch, I can't act like I know what I'm doing or that I'm enjoying it; they'll all see right through it and then..." he didn't let me finish my sentence, instead he began to speak.

"Not yet you can't but you'll have training before anything happens," Haymitch began, I listened. "You won't be asked to do anything before the Victors tour, that's six months. Cinna and I will help you in any way we can."

I stayed silent, a million thoughts running through my mind and just about as many questions but one stuck out more than the rest. I blushed deeply, knowing what I was about to ask was going to highly embarrassing, for me at least.

"Who is-"I coughed uncomfortably, my eyes looking anywhere but at Haymitch. "Who is going to teach me how to...you know."

I couldn't say it, it was ridiculous but I couldn't. If I said it, if I truly admitted it to myself I wasn't sure if I would be able to cope, I needed time to come to terms with what would begin in only six short months away.

Haymitch chuckled, patting my shoulder. "Not me or Cinna sweetheart, you don't have to worry."

I bit my lip and nodded _thank god. _I loved Haymitch and Cinna but never in _that _way. In fact I had never loved anyone in that way or ever even thought of myself with another man. It wasn't something important in District 12, I had more pressing matters; like keeping my sister, mother and myself alive.

I looked up at Haymitch, my brows furrowed. "Who then?"

Haymitch just winked infuriatingly. "All in good time sweetheart but for now," he turned to the door just as Cinna walked in. "Your stylist is here."

_Possession _

I was always shocked when I looked into the mirror after Cinna worked his magic but what I saw made me feel more than shock but also awe and disbelief. I looked beautiful, deadly...I realised I certainly was the latter, I'd won the Hunger Games and not without spilling blood.

I was the girl on fire once more but this time everything was darker, holding more depth and meaning. The dress said I had won, I was still the girl on fire but it had changed me. I turned to smile at Cinna, his smile was soft but I could see the concern in his gentle brown eyes.

_Does he know? _

I decided not to dwell on it. I knew, if I needed him, Cinna would be there for me. He would listen and try his best to help, she knew that. He wasn't just her stylist but her friend.

"Thank you Cinna, it's incredible as always."

Watching the games again was torture, watching every death. Rue's was especially hard but nothing could have prepared me for the moment Cato and Peeta tumbled over the edge of the Cornucopia. _Will I never be free of that moment? _Watching it again had enlightened me somewhat, I hadn't really known if it had been Peeta who pushed them over or Cato who had dragged him.

It was comforting and saddening at the same time to know it was Peeta who had made the pair fall into the jaws of the mutant beast. He had chosen his own fate, the games hadn't changed him, Peeta was still the self-sacrificing boy I had come to know until the very end. He had chosen me to be the 74th Hunger Games victor it made me feel both honoured and guilty.

After I wiped away my tears Caesar asked several questions, keeping them light and cheery; everyone had seen my tears. I had wanted to keep talking to Caesar forever, not because I liked him but because I knew what was coming next.

When President Snow stood before me, placing the simple Victors golden band upon my head, he leaned forwards; I suppressed the urge to gag as the metallic scent of blood filled my senses. "I will be seeing you soon Miss Everdeen," he whispered his smile holding the same twisted happiness.

Afterwards Haymitch rushed towards me, seeing the interaction between me and Snow. I smiled and shook my head. I knew I had to be strong; I couldn't let Snow break me because if he did my family would suffer, as would Gale.

I would learn the art of seduction; I would learn to wear a mask, one the Capitol adored. I would become theirs, for Prim, for Gale. For those I cared about.

"Well if it isn't the girl on fire," I turned slowly.

Finnick Odair stood before me, a perfect smile in place. I had enough experience at hiding emotion to know that Finnick was also somewhat of a master at it too. I instantly warmed to the man before me, I knew who he was and then I realised _what _he was and then I knew why the famous Finnick Odair was before me.

"You're the one who's going to be teaching me," I said slowly, quietly, realisation dawning on me.

Finnick raised his eye brows and smirked. "Haymitch said you were smart, quick." He took a step forward and I found myself holding my breath.

I wasn't a love sick teenage, I didn't swoon not like I knew other woman did around him but I could appreciate why they did. He was a gorgeous man. It wasn't just his looks but the air around him, he held himself in a way that was attractive in itself. _I did not just say Finnick was attractive... what is happening to me? _

"We'll soon see how quickly you learn Miss Everdeen!" his voice held challenge as did his eyes. They twinkled and held nothing but mischief.

I knew my return to the Capitol would be the beginning of a nightmare but leading up to my new life I could have fun, I could learn to play the game and still enjoy my life... couldn't I?

I would bend under the Capitol's will but I would not break.

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**AN: **So, what do you think? Please let me know, reviews really motivate me to write. I love to hear my reader's thoughts and opinions...


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: **Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and those following. I hope you enjoyed the first chapter and I hope you continue to do so. Please leave a review and let me know what you think, they really help motivate me and gauge what my readers like and dislike. Enjoy...

Sorry for any mistakes, I do re-read but things almost always slip past me...

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**Possession**

_Two_

I woke with a start. A scream had jolted me from my sleep. It was only after I registered that Haymitch was beside me, comforting me with blurry, yet concerned eyes, that I realised I had been the one screaming. I buried my head into his chest, letting him hold me. I didn't cry; that would be a clear victory for the Capitol, so instead I lay in the arms of my mentor, a man who become almost like a father to me.

I must have fallen asleep because as my eyes opened again it was because sweet Cinna was shaking me softly awake. He said nothing about Haymitch and I in a room together, he just informed me that breakfast was ready and that they had guests. Wisely he left waking Haymitch to me; the man was a grump at the best of times but in the morning his sour anger was worse...well with everyone else. It seemed I was the only one who could safely wake Haymitch.

After waking him up effectively I crossed the hall to my own room. In the process I heard a lot of laughter coming from the large open plan lounge and dining room. _It seems we have a lot of guest. _I didn't investigate; instead I bolted into my room and shut the door behind me.

My dream had shook me and as I undressed and stepped into the shower I tried to wash away the nightmare and the sweat that was covering my body because of it. I remembered when I first used the Capitol showers; I had stood naked for half an hour trying to figure out how to turn the damn thing on... now it's almost second nature to me. I know which buttons to press for whatever I needed; shampoo, conditioner, soap etc.

A memory sprung to mind. Of Caesar and Peeta, my District partner had been so laid back and casual, joking with Caesar and making the whole of Panem laugh. Tears stung my eyes; I rubbed them quickly careful not to get soap suds in them. I wouldn't, couldn't let myself think of Peeta. _Would he have still wanted me to win if he knew what I would become? _

I grabbed a robe that was hanging on the door before searching for some clothes. I didn't want anything fancy; I wasn't something plain, normal. I didn't want to be reminded that soon I would be the Capitol's plaything. Until the actually day came I would still be me, Katniss Everdeen, whoever she is now!

How can you be who you were before when you've seen and done so many terrible things? How could I looked Prim in the eyes, she would have seen me, saw what I had done. Would she resent me? I hoped not for Prim was about the only thing I had worth living for. Gale would understand, about the killing at least but would any of them understand why I had to become a...I stopped myself. I wouldn't think about it, not then, not yet.

Finding some marginally plain, none Capitol clothing I made my way to the table. My stomach growled in anticipation; four days after the Hunger Games, I had been unconscious for two of them and I had barely eaten on the other two days. No wondered I was so hungry.

I skidded to halt when I say the amount of people around the table and then I frowned when I saw _who _was at the table. Victors; from all 12 Districts. I recognised a few; Cashmere, Gloss, Brutus, Johanna, Blight, Chaff and then there was Mag's and Finnick. There were several I didn't know, they familiar but no name sprang to mind.

Haymitch had obviously got ready quicker than, after all he only appeared to have thrown on a fresh shirt. He noticed me and motion for me to come closer. As I stepped forwards they all began to notice my presence and the room fell silent. Cinna and Effie were also at the table and it was Effie who broke the silence.

"What are you wearing?" she screeched. "You have a wardrobe full of beautiful clothing and you wear...that!"

I rolled my eyes and took the only available seat next to Haymitch, ignoring Effie's comment. In truth I wanted to wear what I wanted until I wasn't allowed to anymore. I began pilling different foods onto my plate, trying to ignoring the stares but soon it got too much. "What!" I snapped my eyes shooting upwards to stare at the people who seemed to have fewer manners than myself.

Johanna was the first the crack, she smirked. "I see why they call you the girl on fire. Your eyes are burning with fierce rage," she said with a shrug before picking at the food on her plate.

_That's one less pair of eyes on me!_

One pair of eyes had me looking away. Chaff: District 11. Rue was from District 11. I swallowed loudly and glanced up to see him still staring at me. His eyes filled with confusion, softness and thanks.

Rue had been my ally; I had taken care of her, treated her like I treated Prim. I had nearly lost myself when she had died, I had screamed, cried and it took everything I had to keep going for her, and for Prim. They had both made me promise, they had made me promise that I would try and win. I felt tears start to swell, _I did it Rue, I won. _

Haymitch placed a hand on my arm. "Sweetheart," he whispered but I didn't look at him. My eyes were locked with Chaff's.

"I'm sorry I let her die," I whispered, though by the sadness that lit up in his eyes, told me he had heard. "She shouldn't-"I closed my eyes. I could feel my bottom lip shaking but I pushed the tears away. "She deserved better." I sighed, "They all did."

I stood, my chair squeaking across the floor. I had to get away from prying eyes, from eyes that held confusion, awe and pity. I didn't want or need their pity; it made me feel even weaker than I did already. I almost ran to the elevator and once inside I hit the '13' button.

When the cool air hit my face I began to relax. I felt safe here, on the roof. Before the games I sat here, alone and with Peeta. In the day it looked different though, I was used to seeing the Capitol lights lighting up the dark night sky but in the morning the sky was a clear ocean blue, with only a few sparse fluffy white clouds breaking up the blue.

I sat on the ledge, bringing my knees up to my chest. I closed my eyes and remembered those who I'd lost, those who others had lost. I may have disliked Marvel for what he had done but that didn't mean someone didn't love him. Someone was feeling the pain of losing a son, brother or boyfriend.

I exhaled deeply, my eyes still shut. I didn't want to face the outside world, the press, the Districts and some part of me didn't even want to go home. They would all cheer and clap but they would look at me differently. I was a murder, I had killed. How could anyone look at me the same again?

"If you worry too much you'll get wrinkles before you time," I jumped slightly at the familiar voice. It was odd, I had heard it only a handful of times and only once in person and yet it I knew who it belonged to.

Finnick Odair

I didn't bother looking at him, it would just be a distraction and one I would be highly uncomfortable with, so instead I looked out over the Capitol but apparently he didn't get the message.

He sat in front of me, in Peeta's old spot.

I stiffened, I wanted him to move. He couldn't sit there but then I realised there was no point. Peeta wouldn't need it. I bit my lip. _I have to stop thinking about those who have been lost _I told myself. It wasn't healthy, it wasn't good and yet I didn't know how to stop. When something so traumatic happens it sticks with you. The Hunger Games will forever be in my mind, whether at the forefront or at the back of my thoughts; I knew it would always be there.

"You couldn't have saved them all Everdeen," Finnick said, breaking the silence. His voice was deep and soft like velvet. One of the Capitol material's I didn't actually mind. "Only one comes out, everyone knows it."

I sighed, I could feel his eyes on me but I didn't give into the urge to look at him. He was too handsome and distracting for his own good.

"I know, I just wish it hadn't been me," I said truthfully.

Of course a part of me would always be glad that I survived but the bigger part of me just didn't know what I had survived for. The Hunger Games were over but the games weren't, I survived, killed just so I could be sold, brought and played with. It didn't seem like much of a life.

Finnick doesn't scold me, tell me not to say such things instead he sighs sadly. "We all wish that sometimes."

I dared to glance at him then, his voice was so sad and defeated. It wasn't the Finnick Odair who appeared on the TV smirking and flirting, it wasn't the Finnick I had met the day before. I wondered if maybe, for the first time, I was seeing the _real _Finnick.

"Everyone down there," I said, meaning those sitting in level 12's apartment. "Have they all been...brought?" It seemed better than saying sold, or prostituted but only marginally.

Finnick nodded slowly, "yes, most of them. Some don't do it anymore but some still do."

I bit my lip, "like you." I whispered hoping I wasn't over stepping any boundaries.

He nodded, "Gloss, Cashmere, Johanna and sometime Brutus."

"Won't they mind you telling me?" I whispered nervously.

He chuckled, "no. We are like a messed up family us Victors, that's why most of us are there, to welcome you into the family fold," he said smirking.

I laughed softly despite myself and the situation. "Well I better go and get acquainted with them all then."

_Possession_

I spent that day getting to know them all. I learned to respect and like them all. I had been nervous at first, especially of Gloss, Cashmere, Brutus and Enobaria; they were career tributes in their time but I realised they were no different from myself. We had all killed, whether we had been trained to or not. There was no difference between us, not really.

Mags was like the mother figure I had been missing, just as Haymitch was like the father I had lost. She was full of life and laughs, albeit a little crazy but then again I figured we all were. All of use messed up in our own ways. You couldn't survive the Hunger Games and not be.

With Finnick it was harder, I felt comfortable around him but I was all too aware that sometime in the future he would be giving me 'lessons' I would get to know him on a very intimate level, a level I had no really knowledge of and definitely no experience in.

Johanna I found was a lot like Haymitch, bad tempered and sour but just like with Haymitch it didn't put me off and it seemed the more time we spent talking the more she began to relax around me and by the time dinner was served we really were acting like a very dysfunctional family.

It was always in the back of mind of what my real, blood family would think of me. What Prim would see me as and what Gale would see when he looked at me. I knew I wasn't the same girl. I wasn't the Katniss Everdeen who had left District 12; I was now Katniss Everdeen the Girl on Fire. The two were two completely different people. I was a completely different person and I wondered if I could slip back into my old life or would I feel like an imposter; an impersonator. Time would only tell.

I looked around the table. Mags was mothering Finnick, Johanna and Haymitch were arguing over something, Gloss, Chaff and Brutus were laughing about something and Enobaria and Cashmere were in a deep discussion. I knew, looking at that all, that whether or not my old life, my family and friends were all waiting for me I would also have them. A family of twisted, fucked up Victors and whores, they would always be there even if my old life had moved on without me...

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**AN: **So what do you think? I have big plans for this story and I'm very excited about them. I really hope you enjoyed the chapter and I would love to hear your thoughts so please review...


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: **BIG thank you to those who are reviewing, you are all so lovely. Thank you also to those following, I hope you are all enjoying the story. Please leave a review to let me know what you think. Reviews motivate me and motivation means more chapters haha ... anyway, hope you enjoy...

I apologies in advance for any mistakes, I do re-read but some mistakes always slip past me...

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**Possession**

_Three_

I sat on the train; I was heading back to District 12, my home. The mentors would all be going back to their own Districts, to say farewell to their dead while Haymitch and I would be going to celebrate my life and Peeta's. Apparently Peeta had asked Haymitch, that_ when_ he died -it seemed he had never had any intention of making it back- he wanted there to be a celebration of his life not a mourning of his death.

Haymitch informed me that in two months Finnick would be coming to District 12 to start my 'lessons' as well as Cinna and apparently so would Johanna. I felt a little relieved that Johanna would be helping. It was comforting to know that if I needed to, I would be able to talk to a woman. There are some things you just can't ask men!

Haymitch sat beside me. I was a ball of nerves; I was both excited and terrified of going home. I watched from my seat on the train as the world passed me by, or more accurately, I passed the world by. Haymitch obviously noticing my distress handed me a glass before filling it with some type of alcohol. I never considered drinking before but with many sleepless nights behind me and the nerves shooting through me, I really had nothing to lose.

I sipped it before eagerly downing the lot. Haymitch raised an eyebrow but said nothing as he filled up my glass once more. I made the second glass last longer, knowing it wouldn't sit well with anyone if I was welcomed back to District 12 only to be a drunken mess.

"Do they ever go away?" I asked out of the blue. We had been sitting in silence for a while but Haymitch being Haymitch and knowing me so well, knew what I was speaking about.

Haymitch sighed, "No. The nightmares stay with you always."

I tilted the cup in my hand, watching the numbing alcoholic liquid swirl around. I had a better understanding of why he drinks so much, after winning the games you need something, a habit, something to do. _What's mine? _

I knew some turned into morphling's, some turned to alcohol and others to sex and some even turned to death itself. The only two that seemed vaguely applicable to me was sex and alcohol but then again the sex was going to be my 'job'. I had to thank the sponsors who had kept me alive and god knows how many others.

So, it seemed alcohol would be my distraction, my comfort blanket, my safety net for when things became too much.

It wasn't long before I recognised the outskirts of District 12. My hands began to shake, I would see Prim, Gale... but I would also have to see Peeta's family. Would they hate me? Would they blame me for his death like I did? There were so many unknowns; my whole life seemed to have been thrown into the unknown. I supposed I would have to get used to it.

"Smile," Haymitch said once the train had stopped. We were standing at the door waiting for them to open. I could hear the excitement, the cheers, the calling of my name. I hadn't expected it on some level I thought they would shout at me, call me a murder. I didn't know which would make me feel worse but the cheering wasn't filling me with joy.

"Act like the perfect Victor," he said before quickly taking my hand and squeezing it gently. "When you're at home you can be yourself but for now you must be Katniss Everdeen, the girl on fire."

The doors opened. The cheers grew louder and I did what was expected. I smiled, hugged children as they ploughed into me with excitement gleaming in their eyes. I waved and tried to look remotely happy. My happiness was real however when I spotted Prim, she was sitting on Gale's shoulders. They were in the crowd and I knew I wouldn't be able to get to them so I continued walking but my smile was bigger, filled with happiness and hope.

I had entered the Hunger Games so Prim could live and she had. She would survive and that thought alone was enough to get me through the crowd of cheering people.

_Possession_

I stumbled as Prim flung herself at me. She wrapped her arms around my middle and I, in turn, wrapped my arms around her. We had just entered the boarders of what was known as the Victor's Village. Effie, Prim, my mother and Gale and his family were waiting for me and Haymitch there.

"You came home," Prim said her voice a mixture of relief and excitement.

I smiled and pressed my lips to the top of her head. "I said I'd try didn't I little duck."

Everything seemed worth it in that moment. With Prim in my arms I could almost feel happy, happy about what I had done and what I would have to do because she was safe, she was with me and alive. In that moment it was enough to keep the horrors what had been and what was to come, at bay.

When she finally released me Gale scooped me up into his arms. My supposed cousin I had been informed. It irked me, it was obvious that Snow didn't want his precious Capitol people to think I was taken; I would become less desirable if I were. I would become worthless.

"I knew you could do it Catnip," he whispered into my ear as he held me close.

His embrace was so familiar, so comforting. He was my bestfriend; we had been there for each other in a time in our lives when we were both lost after losing our fathers. We had a bond; a deep bond that I hoped could never be broken.

It had been silly, my family, my friends; they loved me. They didn't see me in a different light after what I had done. They had wanted me to come home and I had. If I had to guess, I would say that they weren't thinking about how I had come back only that I had.

"Come come, would you like to see your new home?" Effie said her voice several octaves' higher than any normal persons but I smiled and nodded. She had grown on me, her optimism and happiness second to none. She was a breath of fresh air in the dark abyss that had somehow become my life.

The first night in my new home I had woken up screaming, waking both my mother and Prim. They had rushed into my room, eyes wide and frightened. Prim had held me tight; I think we were both comforting each other while my mother stood watching the two of us with unfocused eyes. She had kept her promised, she had stayed for Prim but it seemed with my return she had withdrawn back inside herself, not completely but she had.

It was after a week of waking up screaming and waking Prim and my mother that I decided it wasn't fair on them, especially Prim who every morning woke with deeper circles under her eyes before eating slowly and then stumbling off to school.

So I decided to pack a bag and make the very short walk to Haymitch's. He opened the door with a bottle in hand and a scowl upon his face, until he saw it was me. He took in my bag, my tired eyes and my drawn face and simply nodded.

From then on I stayed with Haymitch. We woke each other up from our nightmares and often drank ourselves to sleep, letting the numb darkness take us. It was unhealthy and my mother had even commented on it, of how inappropriate it was but I brushed it aside. She would not understand, none of them did, accept Haymitch. He had gone through the games to and only someone who had been through it could understand.

Gale and I continued to hunt; of course it was no longer to survive. Being a Victor meant I had enough money to by the food I needed, the Hawthorns often ate with my mum, Prim, Haymitch and I also meaning they never went without. I continued to hunt because it was the only thing that seemed the link the old Katniss with the new one. It was the only thing we both seemed to have in common.

Even my friendship with Gale had changed since leaving the games. I had hoped when I had seen him after arriving, after he had held me tightly in his embrace that nothing would change but it had. I wasn't sure what but something had.

It was on one morning, nearly two months since I'd been back, that we were sitting in our usual spot. I remembered the last time we had sat there, before the Hunger Games. He had said we could run; a part of me wished I had agreed and there was always that niggling feeling in the back of mind that wondered if we could have made it. If we really could have lived in the woods!

It was while sitting there that Gale first broached the subject of the games. We hadn't spoken about it; it was almost an unwritten rule in our friendship.

"Did you love him?" I frowned, wondering for a moment what he was talking about. Seeing my confusion he sighed softly, "Peeta, did you love him?"

I frowned. _Why would Gale want to know that? _I felt a stab of guilt at the mention of Peeta. Most nights my nightmares consisted of him dying for me. The way he died changed almost every night, some more violent and gruesome than others.

"I cared about him," I began, biting my lip to keep my emotions in check. I still hadn't seen his family; I hadn't gone near the bakery. I felt guilty about that to, they deserved to have an explanation or at least have me acknowledge my sadness and guilt to them. "But no, I didn't feel the way he felt about me."

My guilt was sky high.

Gale nodded, he almost seemed relieved. That confused me further. "Why?" I asked.

My bestfriend smiled slightly, "because I wanted to make sure you weren't in love with someone before I did this," and then before I could register what was happening his lips were upon mine.

_My first kiss _was my first thought before I realised that I should probably respond. I began to move my lips against his, nervously, I didn't know what I was doing but Gale did, at the back of my mind I wondered how he knew but I pushed it aside. He deepened the kiss, his hand resting on the nape of my neck before entangling his fingers into my hair.

I forgot everything, for a moment it was just me and Gale. I had never realised he had felt such a way about me before that moment and so when the shock wore off and remembered who I was, who I would become, I pulled away quickly.

Gale had a dopy smiled on his face until he noticed my panic. He frowned before hurt flashed through his eyes and then concern. "Catnip, what's wrong?"

I scrambled away from him. My cheeks were flushed, I had never thought about Gale in _that_ way but the kiss had shocked my system, jolted something inside of me, woken a part of me I didn't know I had. I realised then that if the Hunger Games had never happened, if I had just been the old me, Gale and I would have probably had a future and that thought didn't scare me... it was the thought that Gale and I wouldn't have a future that saddened me.

I sighed, "I can't Gale." I couldn't tell him why though. I had made a decision that my family and Gale's family would never know what I was doing, what I needed to do to protect them. I wasn't naive; I knew they would hear stories from the Capitol, in the papers. I remembered frequently seeing Finnick in the papers that Madge's father received. There would be rumours but I had to hope that Gale would understand; that he would know it wasn't really me without me having to tell him.

Snow had made it clear if I stepped out of line something would happen to someone I loved and I didn't know if telling your family that the President is selling you to the highest bidders was stepping out of line or not.

"Why," he didn't keep the hurt from his voice.

_It's just another thing to add to the list of things I feel guilty about. _

I didn't know how to explain without saying too much. I had never really been one for words but I had to try, Gale deserved at least half the truth.

"I'm not the same Gale," I began. "Before, if the Hunger Games hadn't happened then," I bit my lip nervously. "I'm sure we would have ended up together, we would have found our way to each other. We would have got married, had children, a family..." Gale smiled softly. I wondered if he was imagining the life we could have had, like I was.

"We could still have that Catnip," he whispered softly, his eyes pleading for me not to push him away.

I sighed, "No, we can't." I felt tears begin to threaten to fall, I didn't stop them. "Things are expected of me, in the Capitol. I will be spending a lot of time there after the Victor's Tour."

"I can wait," he said fiercely.

He was before me, cupping my cheeks while his eyes burned into mine. "I love you Katniss, I'll wait as long as it takes."

I knew in that moment that he would, in that moment he would wait forever to be with me but I also knew that when rumours spread it was anger him, he would feel betrayed. I realised that maybe he wouldn't realise that it wasn't me and even if he did, in end, figure it out... he deserved better than me.

I had to lie; I had to make him let me go. It wasn't fair to give him false hope. I knew they was no future for us and so I closed my eyes, preparing myself because I knew my next words would hurt him deeply and they would pain me to say.

"I don't want you to wait Gale," I whispered as a single tear slid down my cheek. "I don't want you."

I ran like a coward, I left him there without looking at him. I couldn't bear to see the hurt in his eyes. It would have broken me but one thought kept me going, kept me running to Haymitch's without breaking down. _He'll be alive, he might not be with me but he'll be alive and in time he'll forget me... _

Gale would be alive, he would eventually forget the love he harboured for me but would he ever forgive me?

I ran into Haymitch's house, or rather our house, since I had moved in. I didn't notice the extra bags, or the extra people. I didn't notice that there was someone before me until I collided with them. My tears were running freely and I didn't care who was before me, I just wrapped my arms around them and sobbed. _What has happened to me?_

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**AN: **So, what do you think? Who's strong; tanned, toned arms to you think she fell into? I've practically given the answer away, I know! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, please let me know your thoughts and opinions, reviews really motivate me...


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: **I am so happy with the response to this fic. Thank you to everyone who is reviewing, it means the world to me and thank you also to those following; I hope you are enjoying the story.

Special thank you to Kmac13 – you really did inspire me to write this story. If you haven't read her story Capitol's Doll you all really should. It's AMAZING!

Please review and let me know your thoughts and opinions, reviews are my motivation and motivation means more chapters...

Sorry for any mistakes, I do re-read but some always slip past me...

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**Possession**

_Four_

After several minutes I pulled away, wiping away my tears before looking up to see a familiar handsome face; Finnick.

"Sorry," I mumbled stepping backwards. I could feel a light blush rising up my cheeks.

He watched me with concern. "I'm used to women throwing themselves at me but they never cry," his tone was light; he was trying to cheer me up.

I let out a very unlady like snort which he raised an eyebrow to. I brushed him off and took a seat on the sofa. I didn't comment on the fact that Finnick, Johanna and Cinna were all early. I gave them each a small smile before Haymitch spoke.

"What happened sweetheart?" he asked softly.

I sighed, "Gale."

Realisation flashed into his eyes. "He finally confessed his love for you I presume."

I frowned, "What... wait... how do you know that?"

Haymitch laughed then chugged on the bottle of whiskey before speaking, "it's obvious to everyone with eyes sweetheart, that boy is madly in love with you."

I sighed. How could I have been so oblivious?

"Yeah, well he probably hates me now," I mumbled grabbing the bottle from Haymitch's hand and taking a swig... and then another. It burned my throat but that didn't stop me. Haymitch had assured me that over time I would barely notice it.

"That boy could never hate you sweetheart," Haymitch said softly.

We spoke nothing more about it.

We spent the day drinking and talking. Haymitch, Johanna and I did most of the drinking while Finnick and Cinna did most of the talking though Johanna did chip in.

"I'm surprised you didn't hear the screaming, I think half of your District nearly fainted at the sight of him and the other half were screaming his name," Johanna said, her words slightly slurred. She was of course talking about Finnick's arrival into District 12.

I laughed, a little more than necessary but in my drunken haze it was most hilarious.

"I don't know what you're laughing at _Everdeen_," Finnick said turning his body towards me. "You'll be screaming my name soon enough too," he said with the confident _insanely attractive _smirk.

I blushed crimson while Cinna and Johanna burst into laughter and Haymitch pointed his finger at Finnick.

"It's not for pleasure boy, your teaching her remember" he slurred. I smiled slightly at Haymitch's attempt at trying -and failing due to his inhabited state- to be a parental figure, trying to stick up for my 'innocence'.

I didn't truly understand the meaning of innocence any longer. It was something I had lost between leaving home and returning. Even Prim had lost some innocence. We had all been changed by the Hunger Games, some of us more than others.

That night I stumbled to bed, feeling the darkness at the edge of my mind spreading. I hoped for a peacefully night's sleep... but I should have known better.

"_Help me," he whispered his eyes pleading with mine._

_My heart was racing, my palms were sweating. I couldn't reach him. He was trying to scramble up the side of the Cornucopia as the mutts feral growls tore through the air. They were close._

"_Katniss, help me," he called up again. _

_I stared down at him. I wanted to help. I needed to help... but I couldn't help. _

"_I'm sorry," I whispered and then they came. _

_The tearing of his flesh made me heave and his shrill screams piercing the air made me cover my ears. I rocked back on forth on top of the Cornucopia. I had no weapon; I couldn't end his suffering as the mutts, former tributes, tore into him. _

_I began to hum. A song I once heard back home but it didn't drown out his screams. They surrounded me as did his calls._

"_Help me," he screamed._

"_Please Katniss..."_

"_Why won't you help me..."_

_I stopped humming, I locked over the edge and there he was; his body being apart, limb by limb. But it wasn't mutts now, it was Cato. _

"_You can save him Katniss," Cato taunted. _

_But I couldn't. There was an invisible barrier between me and Peeta. I couldn't get to him. I screamed in frustration as Cato laughed, it was dark, twisted and it made me feel sick. _

"_Please Katniss," he whispered brokenly. "Help me..."_

"Peeta," I gasped bolting up right in bed.

Someone was with me, wrapping me into their embrace. "It was just a dream," I clutched onto the person beside me, presuming it was Haymitch.

"I didn't save him," I whimpered.

I inhaled deeply but instead of smelling the familiar mix of alcohol and mint I smelt something salty; the sea. Finnick cradled me in his arms, his chin resting on the top of my head as I shook, the after effects of the nightmare.

"You're not Haymitch," I whispered softly.

His chest rumbled in what I could only presume was a laugh. "No, what gave it away."

I inhaled again, I had never smelt the sea but there was no denying that it was the sea. He was from District 4 and the little I knew about him was that he loved swimming, fishing... anything that involved water. The smell was oddly calming, soothing and comforting.

"You smell clean," I whispered smiling softly as he shook slightly with laughter.

"That would do it," he whispered softly seeming slightly amused.

My head was pressed against his chest, _his bare chest_! I suddenly felt a little hot under the collar, I hadn't been around many half naked men, or any in fact. It was something I would have to get used to I supposed.

"Where's Haymitch?" I asked. He was usually the one to wake me from my nightmares.

"He's out cold, so is Johanna," Cinna voice said from the door way. He stood leaning against the frame watching me softly.

"I was screaming wasn't I," I said biting my lip and twiddling my thumbs in embarrassment.

Cinna smiled softly but said nothing. I leaned my head back to look up at Finnick for an answer, he nodded slowly. "You were screaming _his _name," he whispered softly.

I nodded slowly. It was generally his name or just terrified noises. Cinna smiled softly at me before going back to his room. On the second morning that he had found Haymitch and I asleep together after I won the games, I had asked him why it didn't surprise him, he had simply said that it was 'very rare to find a Victor in bed alone'. He didn't need to say 'because of nightmares'. Cinna didn't know what it was like but he knew, by observing, that they were truly awful but Katniss understood why he had left, he knew Finnick would do a better job of comforting me simply because he knew what she was going through.

I buried myself deeper into Finnick's embrace. He was warm, soft and his skin was smooth against my cheek. My eyes began to drop, I was exhausted but afraid. Sleeping only meant nightmares. Finnick obviously seeing my battle moved us both further onto the bed before lying me down.

I clung to him and he lay down with me. "Go to sleep Katniss," he whispered softly, his voice lulling me even further into slumber.

"Stay," I managed to mumble.

My head was pressed against his chest and so with a rumble of his chest I knew he had agreed and I fell asleep without another thought.

_Possession_

I stretched, curling my toes with groaning softly. Even with my eyes shut the light was too bright. I pulled the cover over my face and settled back onto the large, warm and moving pillow.

_Moving?_

I opened my eyes and came face to face with a smirking Finnick. I gasped softly in fright before pulling back. His shirtless form rose into a sitting position where he continued to watch me, amusement written all over his features as I tried, and failed, to compose myself.

"Did you sleep well?" he had laid back down. He rested his head on his entwined hands, broadening his chest; the position also displayed his biceps nicely. The smirk on his lips told me that he knew how good he looked. I rolled my eyes.

I realised, in answer to his question, that I had in fact slept very well minus the waking up and screaming. After going back to sleep _in Finnick's arms might I add _I hadn't had a nightmare, I had slept peacefully.

I small smile settled upon my lips, "yes," I could hear my own surprise. "I did."

Finnick smirked, "you're welcome," he said in usual 'Finnick Odair' cocky manner.

I rolled my eyes again, ignoring him though inside I thanked him. I rolled out of bed and stretched, my muscles ached and my bones cracked but I felt more energized than I had in weeks. In my simple cotton bedclothes I made my way to the bathroom, all too aware of Finnick taking in my attire, his eyes watching me until I closed and locked the bathroom door.

I washed my face with the sweet smelling soap that I had become used to. It wasn't as fancy as Capital soap but I preferred it. After brushing my teeth with the minty paste; another luxury that I had been supplied once becoming a Victor, I left the bathroom.

Of course Finnick was still laying there, his eyes once again on me. I raised an eyebrow at his blatant staring, "you can leave now." I said coolly before making my way to the oak wardrobe. I had very few of my old clothes but over the weeks I had become used to the finer fabrics and more elaborate clothing that had been supplied.

Of course elaborate to me was very simple in Capitol terms!

Pulling out a pair of simple black trousers and a fitted white t-shirt, I once again turned to face Finnick. He was still staring at me, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

"Do you mind?"

He smirked, "not really."

I shook my head frustration but before I could speak he was talking once again.

"You might as well get changed in front of me Everdeen, I'm going to see it all soon anyway," he tone was light but serious. It was the seriousness that had me blushing, and of course the truth of his words.

I was still trying to get my head around the fact that Finnick would be teaching me how to do _that _and he would see me like no male has before... apart from Cinna. But he was my stylist, he didn't really count.

In a moment of bravery though, I decided to play him at his own game. He hadn't thought I would do it, he didn't think I was brave enough. _I'm Katniss Everdeen, the girl on fire for fucks sake! _With my pep talk over I pulled at the hem of my nightshirt and peeled it from my body.

My underwear was simple cotton like my nightclothes, they weren't anything fancy but they were comfy.

I dared to look at Finnick as I peeled off my trousers and saw his mild shock as he stared at me. Of course he regained his composer quickly, the female body wouldn't surprise him at all and I was very aware that his staring wasn't because I looked like anything special but because I had actually done it!

"You certainly need some new underwear," he commented with a smirk.

I scowled, "I like them."

Finnick snorted, "You might but you're not going to impress anyone with that." He said pointing to the white cotton pants and bra I was stood in.

"He's right," I turned to see Cinna stepping into the room. I smiled as he gave me a soft smile in return.

Cinna got straight down to business. "You," he said pointing his finger at Finnick. "Leave and you," he said turning to me, his voice softening. "We might as well get you used to the things you'll have to wear in the Capitol."

I noticed the bag in his hand and as he set it down on my bed he started pulling at fancy and very uncomfortable looking garments in various styles and colours. I stared at them, my eyes wide and frightened.

"I like these ones," Finnick said twirling a scrap of lacy red material which I guessed were pants.

Cinna scowled at him but his eyes held amusement, "out." He ordered, snatching the material from his finger.

Finnick did as he was told and left but not before winking at me. I blushed in embarrassment at his blatant flirting but also at the prospect of wearing those skimpy bits if underwear in front of him and others.

I groaned and sat on the edge of my bed. "It's going to take a miracle for me to be able to do this convincingly."

Cinna sat down beside me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. "I think your stronger than you give yourself credit for and smarter. You'll do it because you know it's to keep your family safe; that will give you the motivation and the courage you need."

I sighed and leant into his side. "I'm scared Cinna, I don't want to do this."

"I know," he whispered softly, pressing a light kiss to my temple. "I don't want you to have to do this either. None of us do."

I took in several deep breathes, calming myself, preparing myself for the day ahead.

"Here," Cinna said softly. "These shouldn't be too uncomfortable."

They underwear was soft, not lacy and hopefully not to uncomfortable. I smiled, there were fairly normal and I knew he was easing me in slowly.

"Thank you Cinna," I said before surprising myself and him, and wrapped my arms around him.

No matter what happened, I knew I had people that cared about me and it would be that which got me through.

_Possession_

I walked down the stairs; I couldn't keep the scowl off my face. Johanna saw me and laughed.

"Wait until you have to wear lace," was she said before making her way to the kitchen.

I followed, inhaling a delicious scent as I went. To my surprise I found Hazelle and Greasy Sae cooking. The Hawthorne children and Prim were all sat around the table with Haymitch, Johanna, Finnick and Cinna. I smiled as Prim blushed slightly every time Finnick spoke to her.

_I know the feeling little duck. _

"There you are," Hazelle said in greeting. "Sit down child. We need to get some meat on your bones." She said in her familiar motherly tone.

I noticed my mother wasn't present and neither was Gale, the former didn't bother or surprise me but the latter disappointed me but then Prim jumped up and wrapped her arms around me and I managed a smile.

"Morning little duck," I kissed the top of her head before she lead me to the table.

I sat between her and Finnick; my old life and my new life. It was odd seeing them mixing, combining and I wondered if maybe by some miracle I wouldn't have to separate the two... maybe, just maybe, it could just be my life, all of them together. Nothing new or old about it!

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**AN: **So, what do you think? Let me know. I really would love to hear what you think so please leave a review and I hope you all continue to enjoy the story.

**IMPROTANT NOTICE**

I'm moving in a couple of days so my internet will be down. I will try and update again before it goes off but if not you can be assured that I will be writing feverishly while its down and will post as soon as it's back up.

I hope you will all bare with me and continue to support this story. Thank you.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: **BIG Thank you again to everyone reviewing, it really means a lot to me. Thank you also to all those following, I hope you are enjoying the story and I would love to hear what you think.

Once again I'm sorry for any mistakes, I do re-read by some always slip past me.

So, this chapter I think is going to make you very happy... it has... wait for it... NAKED FINNICK! WOW. I had so much fun writing this chapter though I am a little nervous, I'm not that confident with my skills at intimate writing. I would love for your thoughts or pointers (tips) if you have any...anyway, enjoy...

**This is the last chapter I will post before I move... I will update again when I'm in my new house and the internet is up!**

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**Possession**

_Five_

A month passed. In that month the underwear got progressively less comfortable and smaller until I was left with a skimp slip of lace material covering my lower half and an equally skimp lacy bra covering my chest.

I stood in front of the mirror. I felt ridiculous but Cinna, whenever I voiced those thoughts, scolded me. I had, to Hazelle and Greasy Sae's delight put more 'meat on my bones' and my once skinny, underfed form now had soft flesh covering every inch of me. Finnick had been the first to point out that my chest had also benefited from three good meals a day. To that I had punched him in the stomach; not so playfully!

My lessons with Finnick still hadn't started but Johanna and Haymitch were well into their lessons of making me act the part. I had learnt the art of flirting from Johanna and even she had been shocked at the ease in which I seemed to pick it up. Haymitch had taught me how to wear a mask, a mask the Capitol would love as well as my _clients_. I smiled and it looked real, I could look happy even when I felt like I was dying inside.

I had learnt well.

Cinna had been progressively making me wear more and more 'suitable' clothing which to my displeasure consisted of many dresses all feeling too tight and several other feminine articles of clothing.

I had picked everything up fairly quickly, making me feel even worse about myself. What did it say about me when I could learn how to be a whore easily? I had that thought often but I always had to remind myself why I was doing it, for my family, for Prim... for Gale.

I hadn't seen him since I'd fled from him in the woods; a whole month of not seeing my bestfriend. It was killing me. I missed him but I knew, deep down, it was for the best. Nothing could ever be between Gale and I, it was best that he moved on and forgot about me... but it didn't stop it hurting.

Finnick helped with the pain and the nightmares. After a week of him coming into my room and waking me up from my nightmares he, of his own accord, had decided it would just be easier to stay in my room. I had protested at first but then after he gave a convincing argument I relented. What surprised me was that it helped. I still had nightmares but I no longer woke up screaming.

My body instead of relaxing to the once very familiar scent of alcohol and mint began to relax only to the smell of salty sea and sand.

I began to trust Finnick Odair and in turn he began to trust me. We opened up to one another, talked of our past and what we wanted in the future. The talks of the future were always unrealistic; we knew there was no really future for either of us. Neither of us would ever be truly happy but it was nice to dream, hope and wish.

At times I forgot why Finnick, Johanna and Cinna were staying with me and Haymitch. Sometimes it just felt like we were all good friends and that there was no job to be done, no teaching or learning to be done. I sometimes forgot that they were teaching me how to be the perfect Capitol whore... I certainly didn't forget the first morning of their second month in District 12.

I woke up to an empty bed which was unusual, Finnick never got out of bed unless I forced him or there was a waft of food in the air. I sniffed the air but I could only smell the lingering scent of the alcohol I had drunk last night. Sighing, I rolled out of bed and began my morning routine.

I softly began to hum in the shower, a song Finnick had taught me. The warm water washed the last of my drowsiness away and I sighed feeling content. It was easy to forget everything when the water was cascading down me. I understood why water calmed Finnick so much.

I had been humming and minding my own business, wrapping a fluffy white towel around me when the door to the bathroom opened and Finnick stood there. I yelped pathetically and clutched the now seemingly very short towel tighter.

"Finnick," I screeched several octaves higher than my usual voice.

He smiled with amusement as I turned, no doubt, several shades of red. Finnick, until that point, had been very good, only making a few innuendos or sexually references here and there; so seeing him before me and clearly crossing the line angered me greatly.

"What the hell do you think you're doing Odair? You can't just barge in here and-"my rant was cut short.

His lips were over mine, moving rather roughly. There was no way of me speaking and definitely no way of pushing him away. I was strong but he was built like a _very handsome, muscular_ house! I somehow began to respond, my body was an autopilot as my mind was reeling. I had no idea what was going on.

When Finnick finally pulled away he was smirking. _The arrogant bastard!_ "Your lessons with me begin today," he said cheerily before walking out the bathroom and leaving me in nothing but a towel and feeling flabbergasted.

I stood there, eyes wide for what could have been minutes or hours until I finally got it together. I was freezing and searched for my clothes on the bathroom floor before I realised there was none. I hadn't brought any in with me, _well that's just great!_

I peeked my head out the bathroom door hoping that Finnick had left but of course he hadn't. He was sprawled out on my bed twirling my underwear around his finger. Upon seeing me he smirked, the cocky, arrogant 'I know I'm hot' smirk. After seeing the real Finnick I began to detest that smirk, it was his Capitol mask and I hated him using it around me.

"Can I have those please," I asked trying and failing to keep the irritation from my voice.

"Come and get them," he said playfully.

I scowled but marched over to him, determination setting into my bones. He jumped up from the bed just as I reached him, running to the other side of the room, still twirling the lacy red pants around his finger. I narrowed my eyes and stalked towards him, it never once occurred to me to just get another pair from the draw.

I reached out but he held them way above his head. I growled in frustration at his antics. Forgetting all about my state of undress I began to try and reach them, standing on my tiptoes and bracing myself against his chest; I tried to stretch enough to reach the stupidly small piece of material but to no avail. _Damn you giant man! _I huffed in frustration and began to stare daggers at the man from District 4 but all thoughts left my mind when I realised how close we were.

I could feel his warm breath dancing over my skin as he exhaled slowly. My nose was about level with his lips and as I glanced at them his tongue darted out and slowly, sensually, ran along his lips. It was mesmerising and I couldn't look away.

"Your first lesson is kissing," he whispered his voice warm, low and rough. "It's not just about the technique. They need to want to kiss you," his fingers brushed my lower lip. "You need to make them feel dizzy with desire, make your lips the only thing they can think about before you finally kiss," he whispered the last part before slowly brushing his lips against mine.

He pulled back almost as soon as he had started. He chuckled, his body rumbling beneath my hand which was placed on the rock hard plane of his stomach.

"Like that."

My mouth fell open. I had been played and worse... it worked.

My mind was fuzzy, my lips were tingling and my heart was racing while my breath was coming out in short low pants. I had been captivated by his lips... _the bastard. _I slapped him on the arm and huffed before pulling away from him, all thoughts of my pants gone from my mind.

He chuckled once again, "come on Katniss, don't get huffy."

I threw him a dirty look. I hated that he had made me feel like every other woman; I wanted to swoon and jump him all at the same time. I had to admit, he was good... too good. It couldn't all be an act, could it? No one can act that well!

"Is the lesson over," I said my voice harsh and cold. I didn't want him to know he had affected me though it was very obvious that he had. My pride was wounded, it was childish but still, that's how I felt.

My back was turned to him, I couldn't look at him but it seemed Finnick had other ideas. He turned me around before dangling my underwear in front of my face. "Get dressed, we'll continue the lesson down stairs."

His eyes were softer, obvious feeling some remorse at what he had done after seeing my reaction. I snatched the stupid pants from him, I still wasn't happy.

"What about Haymitch, Johanna and Cinna?" I wasn't going to take lessons in _that _in front of them.

He was nearly out the door but at the last second as my voice reached him he turned around. "There out, they'll be gone for a while so we can have some privacy."

I blushed but nodded. I knew that Finnick would take things slowly, we still had three months before the Victors Tour, he would start off with simple things... like kissing; though I had a feeling that even the simple things with Finnick would be, could be, rather enjoyable.

_Possession_

I was sat beside Finnick on the sofa. I was twiddling my thumbs nervously. Other than the kisses Finnick had forced upon me my, the only other kiss had been with Gale. I knew very little about anything and I was intimidated by how much Finnick knew.

Some part of me, for some unknown reason, wanted him to be impressed with me. It was a truly silly, 'teenage girl with a crush' thought but still; it stuck making my nerves rocket sky high.

"If you keep biting your lip like that I'm going to have to kiss you again," he said breaking me out of my haze of nervous panic. I hadn't even realised I had been biting on my bottom lip. It slipped from between my teeth and I thought, maybe, I had seen a flash over desire shot through Finnick's eyes.

He shook his head slightly, "I think you're going to be a natural at this." His voice was teasing but there was something else, some undercurrent to his words but I couldn't figure it out.

"I doubt it, I've only ever kissed Gale and that was only a month ago and now, well-"I blushed and looked away. "And you." I finished my voice barely above a whisper.

There was a moment of silence before Finnick sighed. "This isn't going to work."

I frowned and saw out the corner of my eye as he stood up. For a moment I thought he was going to leave but then he did something I didn't expect. Before I had time to process what he was doing he was standing before me in, well, nothing.

"Finnick," I cried before covering my eyes.

I had never _ever _seen a naked man before and well though Finnick wasn't bad to look at _not bad at all _my surprise and embarrassment took over. I knew, one day, I would see him naked but I hadn't thought it would be quite so soon.

"What are you doing?" I asked my voice a little lower in key than it had been just a second before.

I heard him sigh, I heard his feet shuffle along the floor and then I felt him place his hands over mine before he peeled them away from my eyes. I was met with his beautiful sea green orbs; I dared not look anywhere else as he knelt before me.

"We need to get the awkwardness out of the way," he said softly. He wasn't teasing me; he wasn't amused or trying to make me embarrassed. He was being kind in the very odd situation I had found myself in. "I can't teach you unless you're comfortable, relaxed. You need to try and get over the embarrassment otherwise things are only going to get more difficult for you." He said gently.

I sighed and closed my eyes. He was right of course. How could I become what I was supposed to become, do what I had to do, if I couldn't even look at a naked man. My stomach was in knots and I felt the urge to throw up but I kept it down, I was Katniss Everdeen, a survivor; strong, fearless... I was the girl on fire... I could look at a man naked, _right? _

"I'm not happy about this," I mumbled opening my eyes once again to look into his.

His lips twitched upwards, he was barely suppressing a smile. "I know."

I sighed and didn't move. I was preparing myself... or postponing the moment, maybe even both.

Finnick cupped my cheek with his hand and made me look at him once more. "Do _you_ want to get undressed before you look?"

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours kinda' thing," I said somehow finding humour in the moment.

He chuckled and his breath once again washed over my skin. I shivered slightly, my body was reacting to him on a level it had never done before. It confused me, scared me and yet also excited me.

I let out a long breath before finally standing up; I closed my eyes as I peeled my shirt off. I didn't know if Finnick was watching me or not but I didn't think about it, I just continued to rid myself of my clothing until I was left in only my underwear. It was the final hurdle... I froze.

My hands were a little shaky as I inhaled and exhaled in quick succession in panic. I felt the warmth of Finnick's body even before he cupped my face once again. "Breath Katniss, slowly," he whispered softly.

I did as he said; breathing in slowly before exhaling... after repeating it several times I began to calm down. I let my eyes flutter open but once again I kept them on his face. He was truly beautiful, his feature strong, his perfect bronze hair and his tanned skin and of course, his incredible eyes. If the ocean was just half as beautiful as the colour of his eyes then I couldn't wait to see it.

He offered me a smile. "You ok?"

I managed to nod my head slowly; I hadn't looked away from his face. Several different emotions flickered in his eyes before a softness settled in them, a kindness.

"Are you ready?" he asked again just as gently.

In that moment he was the Finnick who woke me up from my nightmares, who held me as I cried when I felt so much guilt over not saving Peeta. In that moment he was the real Finnick and not the fake Finnick who wore a smirk to hide his true feelings... he wasn't the Capitol Finnick... he was just himself.

"I don't think I can do it," I whispered. I was oddly calm on the inside but my hands were still shaking slightly.

Finnick nodded, "shall I?"

I bit my lip; there was a brief hesitation before I nodded.

He smiled softly before his left hand moved from my cheek. His fingers ran down my neck before tracing my collarbone before he hooked the strap of my bra around his finger and began to slowly pull it down. He repeated the action on the other side and then with a quick glance at my face his hands traveled around my back until his nibble fingers found the clasp.

My breathing was erratic. His slow movements were sensual and his fingers left burning trails along my skin. Finnick was all consuming and I couldn't stop myself from gasping softly as the cool air hit my chest as my bra fell to the floor.

I was speechless, a storm of conflicting emotions. My body was screaming at me one thing while my mind screamed another. Of course everything left my mind when his hands slowly slid down my back before they briefly stopped at my hips _this is it, he's going to see me completely naked. _

His fingers dipped beneath the waist band of the lacy pants before they stopped. I realised I was biting my lip again and as I looked up I saw his once sea green eyes had darkened. His eyes were on my lips.

"Didn't I say if you kept doing that I'd have to kiss you," I gasped as he spoke. His once velvet soft voice was replaced with something much deeper, darker and primal.

I didn't have time to respond before his lips were on mine. He kissed me feverishly and for a moment I wondered what was happening... the lesson had taken a turn for something much more, what seemed to me, intimate.

It didn't feel like he was teaching me anything, it seemed he was acting on some other level, on an impulse... and so was I.

I pushed back, my lips moving against his as his hands gripped my waist tightly. A soft whimper escaped me when he pulled my body flush against his, I could feel everything _all of him _and though I hadn't seen it, well, he felt impressive.

I was acting on instinct as my hands slid up his chest before they found their way to the nape of his neck. I pulled him closer, I couldn't get enough, I wanted more...

"Katniss," I froze.

My name had been whispered, no, gasped but it wasn't Finnick. I closed my eyes and once again my hands began to shake, _what have I done? _

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**AN: **Any guesses on who walked in? So this is the longest chapter yet. What did you think? I would love to hear your thoughts; reviews really motivate me to write so leave your thoughts in the box below, thank you.


	6. Chapter 6

**An: **MASSIVE thank you to all those who are reviewing. 25 reviews for the last chapter is amazing and insane and thank you, thank you, thank you to you all!

_**IMPORTANT NOTICE**_

**I don't have internet at home yet but managed to get to my grans to post this. I don't know when the update will be though I get internet at home in about 2 weeks but hopefully I will be able to update from my grans again before that. **

Thank you to everyone for your patience and kind, encouraging words. I hope you all continue to enjoy this story...

Please keep reviewing, it really means the world to me...

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**Possession**

_Six_

Finnick's eyes briefly locked with mine. I saw anger, concern and guilt flash through his beautiful sea green orbs before he completely shut down. His mask was firmly in place. He was the Capitol's Finnick once more.

I shook my head of my thoughts; it wasn't the time to be thinking of Finnick. No, Finnick was fine... Gale was not.

I grabbed the nearest thing to me. It didn't register that it was Finnick's shirt and that wearing it would only infuriate and hurt Gale further. I covered myself, the shirt reaching mid-thigh before I turned to face my bestfriend and the one who had confessed his love for me, only for me to run from him.

_He deserves so much more. _

"Gale, it's not what it looks like" I began, realising that those words would not help at all. In fact, it probably made the situation worse if that was even possible.

"This is why you couldn't be with me?" he said slowly. His voice was flat, there was no anger, no sadness just a numbness... just an absence of emotion that scared me to my very core.

In that moment I could have told him the truth, I could have spilled it all but that would mean putting his life in danger, putting Prim's and my mother's life in danger. I couldn't do that.

I sighed, deciding on telling a half truth, one that would hurt him –more than I had already- but would also maybe, just maybe, would make him understand, if only a little.

"Finnick understands me," I started. Gale flinched, the words obviously hurting him. "He's been through what I've been through, going through what I'm going to go through," I paused, biting back my emotion as I tried to justify the pain I was inflicting on my bestfriend _it's for his own safety, it's so he can live his life _I had to keep telling myself.

"I need him," I whispered finally.

Gale stood there, unmoving and showing nothing but hurt in his eyes. I wanted to reach out to him but I knew I couldn't, shouldn't. As much as I hated the idea, he had to let me go.

"You don't need me," he whispered finally. The pain was clear in his voice. It pained me to see him like that, that it was me that was causing the pain.

"I'm not the same Katniss anymore," I whispered, fighting the urge to step towards him. "I can't be the same Katniss, not the one you knew."

Gale seemed to deflate before my eyes. It was a scary thing to see, someone I knew to be strong looking so weak and defeated. His shoulders sagged and his whole form seemed to shrink. He said nothing and just turned towards the door.

I had done it, I had made him see that there could never be anything between us and it hurt. I loved Gale, maybe I wasn't in love with him but I cared a lot for him, like I had Peeta. It seemed I was destined to push everyone away, that or be the reason they died!

Just before Gale left he turned around, his voice was low and breaking. "For what it's worth, you'll always be my Catnip," and then he was gone.

I stood frozen by his words. They cut deeper than any wound I had ever received. Gale would never truly let me go, I realised that in that moment and it was that knowledge that broke a piece of me.

"Katniss," Finnick's voice reached me. I felt his hand on my shoulder and jumped away from him.

I was a mess of emotions; with what had happened with Finnick and then with Gale. I couldn't deal with anything in that moment, I needed space and time.

"I need to be alone," I said and without looking at Finnick I left. I went upstairs via the kitchen where a grabbed a bottle of Haymitch's finest alcohol. I would drown my sorrows; it was easy, it blocked the pain after a while. Of course it didn't make it go away but it pushed it aside at least for a night.

No one disturbed me that night. I heard them all come home but wisely they all stayed away though I vaguely heard Haymitch swearing, apparently I had taken the good liquor!

I wouldn't admit it to myself but when the bed didn't dip beside that night I felt alone and if possible, even sadder. Finnick had become a constant presence in my life and I hadn't been lying when I had told Gale that Finnick understood me, that I _needed_ Finnick. So when I realised that Finnick would not be coming to me I went to him.

I didn't know what time it was and the house was eerily silent as I staggered my way towards the room Finnick had stayed in upon his arrival, before he decided to just sleep in my room. I bumped into many things and swore many times before I reached his room. I had expected, while in my blurry drunken haze, to come face to face with the whole household with the noise I was making. Yet no one seemed to have heard me.

I was outside Finnick's room, preparing myself. I was still unsure of what had transpired between him and I before Gale had walked in. It hadn't felt like a lesson, it had felt like an indulgence, a want, a need. I made a mental note to myself to ask Finnick about it.

I was about to step inside when the scream had me reeling back. It took me a few seconds to realise it was Finnick, and he wasn't stopping. _Nightmare. _I rushed inside, the alcohol induced haze clearing as I rushed to Finnick's side. He was thrashing around while he screamed, his face was twisted into pain... the pain only a Victor could understand.

"Finnick," I said softly yet loudly enough that I hoped he would hear. I should have known better. In the state he was in, like I had been in many times, the gentle whisper of a name would not suffice.

I crawled onto the bed beside him a little haphazardly might I add with the alcohol still coursing through my system. I tried to dodge his flailing limbs but several blows caught me. I didn't voice the pain and I wouldn't tell him, he didn't need to feel guilty and to be honest, I had felt worse pain.

I prepared myself a little before finally waking him, knowing he would be on the defensive, not knowing where he was; at least for a moment or two. He was reliving his Hunger Games, like we all did.

I shook him, gripping his shoulders tightly before shaking him awake. I tried to be as gentle as I could but you could only be so gentle while shaking someone awake. He shot up with a start his eyes wide, the next second I was pinned below him a knife in his hand.

I started into his sea-green eyes hoping he would recognise my Seam grey orbs before he tried to stab me. Luckily he did.

"Katniss," he exhaled my name, loosening his grip on the knife. He hung his head which in the position we were in meant that his forehead rested against mine. His warm breath danced over my skin and I was taken back to earlier in that day. His lips on mine, his fingers caressing my skin as he rid me of my clothing... I had to stop myself there.

I brought my hand up and began to run it through his hair in a soothing motion and soon his breathing slowed as did his racing heart. The weight of his body on top of mine wasn't uncomfortable, in fact I liked it. It made me feel oddly safe. I realised that I always felt safe when Finnick was around, even when I was terrified I could look to Finnick and somehow I felt safer.

I hadn't realised how close we had become until that moment and on some instinct that I didn't really understand I leaned forwards and lightly brushed my lips against his. I heard his intake of breath and his eyes pierced into mine, filled with confusion and something else. Something I had seen earlier that day, desire maybe, though I knew little about desire, or lust.

I idly wondered if Finnick felt safe with me, like I did with him.

I closed my eyes, not believing that I had been as bold and brave to kiss him. It had been an impulse and one I was regretting as the silence continued. I often didn't mind silence, it gave me time to think but I didn't want to think in that moment, I need a distraction something to stop myself from acting on anymore of my 'instincts' that I didn't fully understand.

"What do you usually do after a nightmare?" I asked softly. He seemed a little startled when I spoke, as if he wasn't expecting me to break the silence.

He paused for a moment before smiling. "Swim," he whispered. There was a spark of happiness. I knew Finnick felt calm while in water, it was just his thing.

An idea formed in my mind. I smiled and Finnick lifted an eyebrow in question, obviously not understanding my look.

"Let's go then," I said.

He frowned, "you don't have an ocean or a pool here."

I lifted my hand to cup his cheek. Noticing once again how close we were, his body was still on top of mine and my mind starting racing. He may have been shocked by my kiss but if he had been disgusted he would have moved by now, _right? _

"Trust me," was all I said and to that he nodded.

_Possession_

I remember my father taking me to the small lake beyond the boundaries when I was younger. He taught me how to swim and I've never forgotten how though I haven't been back since his death.

Finnick had been a little reluctant to cross the border but after a little persuasion he had relented. The prospect of swimming was obviously a big incentive. I felt apprehensive, going back to a place that held memories of my father but then I thought of Finnick, he had been there for me every night when I woke up screaming. He deserved a little happiness; he needed to let off some steam.

He was rather silent as we walked. The dark sky was slowly lifting giving way to dawn as we trudged through the forest with only a flask of water and a loaf of bread with a few meats if we got hungry.

I dared not ask about his nightmare, it was troubling him obviously but I knew if he wanted to talk about it he would, so we walked in comfortable silence. My thoughts wandered back to our kiss, well, several of our kisses. I was still naive, I knew that, but I knew that what I felt, instinct I had to kiss him was one of lust. I recognised it though I knew very little about it.

It scared me, knowing that I w_anted _Finnick... that I wanted anyone. I had never had that desire before. I wondered if it leave when I began my 'job' when I became a courtesan for the Capitol, I wondered if I would still desire men after being taken by so many I didn't know and undoubtedly didn't want. It was a question that would only be answered in time.

I pushed all those thoughts away. I didn't want to think about what my future held, I knew it would be grim and so I thought about it as little as possible. I wanted to at least aim to be happy while I still had the chance.

"Were nearly there," I said with a smile as we neared the lake.

Finnick smiled an anxious yet excited smile. In that moment he looked like a small child who had been told they were nearly at the candy shop. It was a side of Finnick that rarely showed itself and a side I loved to see.

When the lake came into view Finnick nearly raced towards it, stripping as he went until he was only in his underwear before he dived in. I chuckled softly, happy to see him happy.

Again it unnerved me; it was foreign to me to care for someone so much who I didn't see as family. The feelings I was having towards Finnick, the feelings I was slowly starting to admit I had, were scary and new and I didn't know what would happen... what could happen. _Surely nothing! _

"Are you coming in?" he called from the bank of the lake.

I watched him, his hair plastered to his face as droplets of water ran down his cheeks and down his torso. He was beautiful and even more so when he was so relaxed.

"Of course," I nodded and began to rid myself of my clothing.

I was nervous but Finnick had seen me in less _much less. _The water was cold as I slowly lowered myself into its depths. I remembered briefly when my father would lower me down, holding onto my tightly and promising to never let go.

I bit back the sting of tears that threatened to fall and dunked my head underwater to hide any that may have fallen. When I reappeared Finnick was swimming the length of the lake, a smile on his lips. I watched him as I bobbed up and down, he seemed so calm in the water and I realised that swimming was Finnick's distraction, mine was alcohol his was water. _He picked the healthier option _I noted dryly.

I had been to distract by my thoughts to realised Finnick had stopped and was in front of me. His eyes watching me; when our eyes met I couldn't look away. He was captivating and I knew why so many women fell under his spell. He was a magnificent specimen but his looks weren't what captivated me but his heart, his kindness and his vulnerability. He was beautiful on the inside as well out.

"You're biting your lip again," he said softly with an edge to his voice.

I hadn't realised, yet again, that I had been but with his comment I continued. Something stirred deep within me, a need I had never felt before, it spread through me like fire and ignited everything within and with it came a confidence I had never thought I possessed.

"It's because I want you to kiss me," I whispered my voice low and sounding very unlike my own.

Finnick's eyes flashed with mild surprise but also desire. I recognised it instantly and I wondered if my own eyes held the same look. Finnick moved closer so his body pressed against mine. I closed my eyes in anticipation, I realised I was quickly becoming addicted to Finnick's kisses.

"We're walking a dangerous line Katniss," he whispered while his lips softly brushed against mine.

I opened my eyes and locked them with his. I knew what was happening wasn't supposed to happen, I knew nothing good could come of it especially when we were both destined to please the likes of rich Capitol's but we weren't there yet.

I wanted something pure with someone, something true and not forced before the men of the Capitol were unleashed upon me. I wanted something real. I wanted someone I wanted. _I want Finnick._

It was dangerous but then my life was... Finnick was worth the risk, _isn't he? _

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**AN: **So what do you think? I hope you all enjoyed it, please let me know what you think.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: **Thank you again to everyone reviewing, it really means the world to me. I hope you are all enjoying this story and that you continue to let me know what you think. Remember reviews motivate me and more motivation means more chapters... enjoy...

Big thank you to everyone who is following and reviewing it means everything to me.

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**Possession **

_Seven _

_Previously..._

_"We're walking a dangerous line Katniss," he whispered while his lips softly brushed against mine._

_I opened my eyes and locked them with his. I knew what was happening wasn't supposed to happen, I knew nothing good could come of it especially when we were both destined to please the likes of rich Capitol's but we weren't there yet._

_I wanted something pure with someone, something true and not forced before the men of the Capitol were unleashed upon me. I wanted something real. I wanted someone I wanted.__I want Finnick._

_It was dangerous but then my life was... Finnick was worth the risk,__isn't he?..._

I stared at him, his sea-green eyes staring at me with a mixture of emotions. It wasn't love. Neither of us was in love with the other but there was a connection, I had felt the moment we met. We understood each other and I needed that. I needed someone to understand.

"Yes, we are," I whispered. We were so close that my lips brushed against his as I spoke igniting every nerve in my body. I felt alive, I felt like I was on fire which was fitting and ironic.

I swallowed back my nerves. I was petrified of intimacy but I was with Finnick, he kept me safe, he made me feel safe. I wanted to know what it felt like, to feel pleasure just for the sake of pleasure... Finnick could give me that.

"I want to know what its like," I began. "I want it to be natural, untaught before you have to start teaching me how to please a man." I had looked away from him, staring at the trees behind him as I spoke. My cheeks were burning with embarrassment but I continued. "I want to know what it's really like before I have to fake everything."

Finnick pinched my chin softly and turned my head so I was staring right at him. His eyes held so many emotions and I wondered if I looked the same, I concluded it was likely.

"I understand," Finnick whispered his voice as soft as velvet.

He caught my lips with his with no further words. The water lapped against my skin as we fell into a comfortable dance, our lips moving in perfect timing and our tongues dancing to some unknown rhythm. I got lost in Finnick's kiss and his gentle caresses. His hands glided down my sides warming me against the chill of the air and the water that surrounded us.

I had wanted it to be natural and in the woods, with only the birds singing around us, well, it didn't get much more natural.

The gentle kiss grew, developed and turned into something more, something hungry. My legs wrapped around his hips and his hands found their way to my rear, holding me against him as he pressed my back against the bank of the lake. My senses were on overdrive, my skin was tingling with all the new sensations and my heart was pounding with excitement. I found myself clawing Finnick's back when his hands slipped from my rear and travelled to my thighs.

My eyes flew open. I knew the destination of his hands and it frightened me. I had never been touched _there _and though I wanted it, I also didn't. I was, plainly put; scared.

Feeling my body tense and seeing my unease Finnick softly smiled and brushed his lips softly against mine. "Trust me," he whispered the same words I had only hours previous whispered to him.

I smiled softly and nodded slowly.

He leaned his forehead against mine and kept my eyes locked with his and his hands travelled up my thighs, his nimble fingers dancing over my skin making me pant softly in anticipation.

His fingers slid under the seam of my fancy lace underwear and brushed against my lower lips. I couldn't help but gasp, the contact was indescribably but as one of his fingers slowly slid into me I could only think of how incredibly it felt and how nothing could feel better... _could it?_

He smiled, looking overly proud as, no doubt, a look of ecstasy settled upon my features. My head fell back slightly as he continued his ministration on my body setting every part of me on fire and even the water around us did nothing to cool the raging inferno within me. It was when my legs began to shake slightly and the knot that had settled in my stomach began to tighten further that the fear came back.

I began to panic once more, not knowing what in the world was happening.

Finnick seeing my panic only smiled softly "relax, let it happen."

So I did.

It had built and built and built, curling my toes and making my whole body quiver. Then the sensation washed through me, making me head roll back and my mouth drop open as Finnick's name tumbled from my lips along with several rather loud and embarrassing noises. It was different, it was uncontrollable... it was one of the best yet peculiar feelings.

Once the stars had disappeared from before my eyes I took in Finnick's expression. The look in his eyes made me blush but there was no time to feel embarrassed at the loud guttural sounds that had only just left me because Finnick was upon me in a second.

His lips crashed against mine with a hungry need that once again sparked the fire inside of me. I ran my hands down his bare back, feeling his muscles rippling beneath my fingers. I did what came naturally, I followed my instincts as I ran my hands down his back only to move them to the front of his body and trace his toned chest before sliding my hands up his chest to entangle them in his sodden hair.

He made a primal sound, an animalistic growl as we kiss and before I knew it I was being lifted out the water. Finnick laid me down on the grass a few steps away from the bank of the lake. He lowered himself on top of me, resting on his arms as to not crush me. He kissed me again, this time slowly.

Soon we rid ourselves of our underwear and then, after a few more gentle touches and kisses it was time. Finnick kissed the tip of my nose before he whispered, "I'm sorry this is going to hurt."

I bit my lip. I knew it would... and it did... but then the pain slowly gave way to pleasure. I had never believed something could feel so good but it did. Maybe it was because it was Finnick but whatever the reason, I was glad I had asked Finnick to be my first. To show me how pleasurable it could be for _me _before teaching me how to please a man.

Afterwards we laid side by side, I didn't care that I was probably filthy, in fact I could feel the mud plastered to my back but I didn't care, I was too happy, to full of pleasure and to weak from it to carry myself to the lake to wash away the grim.

Finnick shifted beside me, turning onto his side to face me. I glanced at him, suddenly remembering we were both very naked. I, of course, blushed but I didn't hurry to cover myself up. I had to get used to being naked at some point and it seemed only right to start by feeling comfortable around Finnick.

"How are you feeling?" he asked softly while brushing away a piece of my hair that had strayed.

I smiled softly, "good."

To that he grinned and I rolled my eyes. "Your way to cocky for your own good Mr Odair," I said laughing softly. In fact, at times, I found it endearing.

He just continued to grin. "You love it Miss Everdeen."

I rolled my eyes once more but something struck a chord within me. _I do love it _but that didn't mean I was falling in love with him..._does it?_

_Possession_

"You're not being seductive," Johanna said with a long sigh. "I don't feel it."

I sighed. I was having my usual lesson with Johanna but I couldn't concentrate, I was distracted which was to be expected after what had happened earlier that day. It was all because of Finnick Odair! We had crossed the line, we both knew it.

I didn't know how to feel, I was confused, I had so many feelings coursing through me that were foreign and so immediately they scared me, the unknown always did.

"I'm sorry," I said before lowering myself onto the edge of the bed beside her.

I couldn't be seductive when I was a mess. I couldn't be seductive when I was obsessing over what I was feeling for a certain heartthrob of the Capitol. I wondered if I could, should, speak to Johanna about it. Would she understand? I had a feeling she would most likely laugh and brush it off. She wasn't one to have heart to heart talks but she was the only woman I could talk to.

So I took the chance.

"I'm distracted," I began. I glanced at her out the corner of my eye to see her watching me, a bored yet curious expression on her face and so I continued. "Something happened earlier, with Finnick and now I don't know what to do... or feel."

Johanna stared at me for a while longer before finally letting out a long low breath. She got up and walked to the oak chest and grabbed a bottle out of one of the draws. "I think this might be a better conversation with a drink, don't you?"

I smiled and nodded. The familiar burn down the back of my throat was welcome and calmed my nerves if only a little. I cupped the glass in my hand and composed myself. I had never been one to talk about my feelings and so the conversation I was about to have was going to be tough... for the both of us as Johanna was like me in many ways.

"Finnick and I slept together," I blurted out; the words tumbling from my lips before I could stop them. I groaned in embarrassment, I was starting to believe there was nothing that I could do or say that I wouldn't end up embarrassing myself.

I was pulled from my thoughts when Johanna started laughing. _I knew she'd just laugh. _I felt slightly hurt at her reaction but of course, me being me, I didn't cry or sulk... I punched her, hard, in the arm.

"I'm having a serious problem," I all but growled at her.

Johanna composed herself quickly before speaking, "You were always going to have to sleep together. He's teaching you, remember!"

I bit my lip and then blushed when I thought of Finnick. The way his eyes darkened whenever he saw my lip between my teeth.

"That's the thing," I whispered. "He wasn't teaching me," I glanced at her seeing realisation and shock flashing over Johanna features. "It was pure, untaught and..." I trailed off. Johanna didn't need to know what it was like, only that it had happened so she could explain to me what it was that was happening, what I was feeling.

She stayed silent for a while and the silence began to get too much. I was on the edge of my seat, waiting, wondering what she was going to say. What she thought. I was new to the world of sex and feelings, of course I had feelings, normal love for family and friends but I never expressed them and when I did it was only with Prim and once upon a time Gale. But the new feelings were something I had never encountered before and I needed help and guidance; I needed advice.

Finally Johanna spoke but her question through me completely. "Are you in love Finnick?"

I frowned, opened and closed my mouth while words evaded me. My uncertainty was one of the things I needed help with, I needed someone to explain to me, help me understand what I felt for Finnick.

"I don't think so, I love him but I don't think I'm _in _love with him," I said slowly, unsure of my own words, my own thoughts and feelings. I was a mess! "I don't know how I feel," I finally said huffing dramatically while throwing my arms up in the air, which was equally dramatic.

Johanna smiled, "then don't worry about it."

I frowned and stared at her with uncertainty. "That's your advice?"

She shrugged but sighed when she saw that I wasn't going to let it go.

"You're confused; all this is new to you. You're bound to feel attached to Finnick and confused about how you feel about him. In time, if you still feel the same, then you should talk to him about it but for now," she paused taking a breath. She reached out and uncharacteristically took hold of my hand. "You need to concentrate on what's to come. You need to learn how to be please the Capitol men; you need to become the perfect courtesan."

I sighed, it made sense but there was a part of me that knew that I couldn't just pretend what had happened with Finnick hadn't happened. It was etched into my memory, his touches burned onto my skin. I had a feeling that in time I would still be as confused as I was then about the one and only Finnick Odair.

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**AN: **So, what do you think? Reviews are always welcome... actually they are craved! I love to hear your thoughts so please leave a message in the box bellow.

Hope you all enjoyed it and I hope it didn't disappoint.


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: **Thank you to everyone reviewing and following this story. It really means the world to me and I'm so glad you're all enjoying it.

Good news, I have internet at home again YAY! That means more frequent updates. I'm ill at the moment and laid up in bed and so when I'm not asleep because I'm exhausted from sickness I'll be writing.

I hope you enjoy this chapter, I hope you do. Don't forget to leave your thoughts in the box at the bottom of the page. Remember reviews equal motivation and motivation means more chapters...

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_Previously..._

_Finally Johanna spoke but her question through me completely. "Are you in love Finnick?"_

_I frowned, opened and closed my mouth while words evaded me. My uncertainty was one of the things I needed help with, I needed someone to explain to me, help me understand what I felt for Finnick._

_"I don't think so, I love him but I don't think I'm__in__love with him," I said slowly, unsure of my own words, my own thoughts and feelings. I was a mess! "I don't know how I feel," I finally said huffing dramatically while throwing my arms up in the air, which was equally dramatic._

_Johanna smiled, "then don't worry about it."_

_I frowned and stared at her with uncertainty. "That's your advice?"_

_She shrugged but sighed when she saw that I wasn't going to let it go._

_"You're confused; all this is new to you. You're bound to feel attached to Finnick and confused about how you feel about him. In time, if you still feel the same, then you should talk to him about it but for now," she paused taking a breath. She reached out and uncharacteristically took hold of my hand. "You need to concentrate on what's to come. You need to learn how to be please the Capitol men; you need to become the perfect courtesan."_

_I sighed, it made sense but there was a part of me that knew that I couldn't just pretend what had happened with Finnick hadn't happened. It was etched into my memory, his touches burned onto my skin. I had a feeling that in time I would still be as confused as I was then about the one and only Finnick Odair._

* * *

**Possession**

_Eight_

"They know you don't want to be there," Finnick said, his voice low and filled with authority. "They know they've paid you, that you're doing a job." He sat in front of me, his eyes boring into mine while his proximity had me fighting to concentrate on his words.

"It's your job to make them believe that despite everything your starting to enjoy yourself, that he's reaching something inside of you, making you want him. You have to make them feel special, that there the only one that can reach that part of you, that they can bring you pleasure like no other man can."

There was something about Finnick's voice that captivated me, it always had. It was the combination of the rough and the soft, the way his tone touched some part of me which compelled me to listen and obey. I would have been a dangerous thing if not for the fact that I knew Finnick would never ask me to do something I didn't want to do.

"I thought you were teaching me how to please a man," I began to question. "Not how to act like a man is pleasing me!" I was confused; maybe it was naivety that had me confused.

I may have slept with Finnick but that didn't mean I instantly knew what men wanted or what I had to do. No, he still had to teach me all of that and so with yesterday's 'glitch' in our lessons behind us I didn't let myself think about my confused feelings for him or the way his skin felt against mine. I concentrated instead on what I had to do, what I had to learn, what I had to become.

"The greatest pleasure a man can know, is knowing he is pleasing a woman," Finnick began with a small smile. "Knowing your pleasing a woman does wonders for a man's ego," with that he winked and I had no doubt he was thinking about his name falling from my lips, travelling on a scream of pleasure.

I blushed and looked away from him. I couldn't let myself be distracted. I wouldn't!

"I want you to moan," Finnick suddenly said. There was no humour in his voice, no room for any doubt. He wasn't joking... but I laughed anyway. Nervous laughter had become a common occurrence for me around Finnick.

"What!" I said once I had stopped laughing.

"I want you to moan," he repeated. "You're going to have to fake most of the pleasure; a convincing moan is a must."

I stared at him my jaw slack and my eyes wide. I was flabbergasted and well, nervous! I remember the moans that had fallen from my lips only the day before with Finnick bringing me pleasure. I couldn't replicate that convincingly, could I? I wasn't a good liar or actress. _That's why you're being taught!_

I exhaled loudly to announce my discomfort –which really didn't need announcing, it was fairly obvious- but I closed my eyes and composed myself. I wouldn't let my nerves win, I would do what had to be done... for my family. For those I loved.

The noise that fell from my lips however was not one of pleasure but more of pain. I cringed and dared to look at Finnick, he was suppressing laughter and to that I scowled though I was fighting my own smile. The groan of what could only be described as agony that had fallen from my lips was rather comical and worrying at the same time. I didn't have long to learn now, soon I would be at the mercy of the capitol men. I needed to be ready.

"Try again," Finnick said softly after composing himself.

The second was just as bad. There was no pleasure fake or not, in the noises I was making. I peeked up at Finnick once more, embarrassed. I didn't know what was more embarrassing, not being able to fake a moan in front of him or _actually_ moaning in front of him.

"Would you rather Johanna here than me?" he asked after the second fail attempt, obviously sensing my nervousness.

My eyes flew open, "No," I all but screamed. I lowered my head and tried again, trying not to sound so desperate. "No, I can do this," I steeled myself. "I _have _to do this."

"Lose yourself in a memory," Finnick's voice was low, soothing and calming. "Something that brought you a pleasure you could have never imagined." He knew that the only pleasure I had ever known was from him and though the thought made me blush I took myself back to the day before.

The way his kisses felt upon my skin, the way his fingers danced over my bare flesh and the way he felt as he moved inside me and how the wave of unfamiliar pleasure had washed through me making my toes curl and my mind to burst into a picture of light...

"Let the memory consume you..."

It consumed me. I remembered the way it felt, the way he smelt, the noises that had left each of us and the sounds of flesh hitting flesh in a sensual dance...

The moan that fell from my lips while sitting crossed legged opposite Finnick was one of pure pleasure brought by only the memory of my time with Finnick. It was low, guttural and drawn out. I kept my eyes closed even once I had finished, I didn't dare look at him but it wasn't from embarrassment but instead need. I knew that if I opened my eyes I would want him, need him.

"Good," he finally whispered. His voice was low and hoarse and I could only imagine that his sea-green eyes were darker. I could hear the desire in his voice. I had hit a hit a chord within him, maybe even brought back his own memory of the day before.

"Again" he said slowly.

And so I did it, again and again until it became second nature, like talking or using a bow and arrow. I knew, as long as I remembered the day by the lake I would always be able to find the way to voice pleasure without even feeling it. It was odd but it was also reassuring. I needed to be convincing otherwise there was no telling what President Snow would do to those I cared about.

After what seemed like days I finally opened my eyes. Finnick was staring at me and I had been right, his eyes were darker and filled with desire. It was exciting and unfamiliar to elect that emotion in a man but I accepted it, it was different but not unpleasant to know I could affect the opposite sex in such a way and it was almost a compliment that I could make Finnick Odair feel that way.

"So," I said quietly, "was that better?"

He sat in a daze for a moment longer before chuckling. "I knew, once you got the hang of all this you would be a natural Miss Everdeen."

I didn't know whether to take that comment as a compliment or not so I settled for saying nothing.

"You're not just the girl on fire," he said. "You bring out a fire in people, one that isn't easily sated," his words seemed to have another meaning but I didn't understand it and so I didn't dwell though the distant look upon his face made me wonder.

"Is the lesson done for today then?" I asked wanting nothing more than to stretch my legs after sitting crossed legged for hours.

Finnick nodded, "yes."

I jumped from the bed and moaned once again in pleasure as I stretched my muscles. Finnick watched me with a small shake of his head before he to stood and stretched. The smell of food hit my senses as I opened the bedroom door and I knew Hazelle and Greasy Sae must be cooking up a treat in the kitchen.

"Hungry?" I turned to Finnick who smiled and then darted down the stairs in front of me.

I cursed and followed not wanting to be last to the table. It was these childish moments after such a difficult day that brought the light and happiness into my life. Made me still believe there was a small chance of happiness left for me... that maybe I was condemned to be miserable forever.

_Possession _

That night we lay together. Sleep was getting harder and harder to find as the date for the Victors Tour grew closer and closer and then after that my new life. I was still unsure of the details; I didn't know what would happen when I reached the Capitol, what the cover story would be and how I would know who my clients were. Still so much was a mystery and I wasn't sure if I wanted to know the answers or not.

"Finnick?" I whispered into the darkness.

"Mmm," he mumbled beside me. It wasn't a sleepy mumble though and so I knew he was nowhere near finding sleep like myself.

"After doing what you've done for so long, do you find pleasure in it anymore?" the question had been one that had been playing on my mind.

Maybe it was because I knew I was having mixed confused feelings for him and they had only doubled after our 'encounter'. I wondered if he had enjoyed himself as much as I had or whether he was merely going through the motions.

He was silent for a while and I was ready to give up on him answering but then he spoke, his tone was soft and gentle and the bed shifted as he turned onto his side to face me though the room was to dark to see.

"It depends on who it is with," he began. "With regulars you find a rhythm, something you both enjoy but it's not the same. Sex is better when you actual care for the person and I care very little for any of my clients."

I chewed on my lip wanting to ask my next question so badly it hurt and yet a part of me didn't want to know the answer and yet I asked anyway, _be damned of consequences. _"Did you enjoy the other morning?"

Once again there was silence but it wasn't for as long. I jumped slightly when I felt Finnick's hand cup my cheek, a little haphazardly due to the dark. His thumb caressed my cheek making my heart beat a little faster and my mouth to dry up.

"Yes," he whispered, "it's the first time in a long time that I have."

I found myself smiling, "you care about me?" it was a childish question but I was feeling insecure, a feeling I had never really had before. I needed some kind of reassurance that he was feeling how I was or at least he was as confused as I was.

I could hear the smile in his words when he spoke, "yes, I care about you more than I thought I ever would Katniss."

It was an admission of undying love but that wasn't what I had wanted but I knew then that he cared, he cared like I cared. I could hear it in his voice and if I had been able to see him I'm sure I would have seen it in his eyes.

Neither of us knew really what to feel for the other, that much was clear, we were both confused and trapped in a world where feelings weren't really an option but I had hope, hope that maybe one day we could be free to feel what we liked.

"I care about you too," I whispered before I settled into his side.

With his arms wrapped around me and my head upon his chest I fell asleep feeling more content than I had in what seemed forever.

* * *

**AN: **So this was kind of a mushy feeling filled chapter with a bit of naughtiness thrown in. Did you enjoy? I hope you did. The next couple of chapters are going to have time gaps between them so I can get to the Victors Tour and then begin her new life in the Capitol.

Anyway, please review and let me know what you think, I hope you enjoyed...

Follow me on Twitter for extra bits and bobs or if you want a chit-chat... ihaveadarkside1 ... I'm very excited at the moment because I have several published authors following me... its all very exciting!


	9. Chapter 9

**AN:** Sorry for the long delay. I want to thank you all for your reviews and lovely words and for the continued support you have shown this story. I want to thank everyone who is also following. I hope you all continue to enjoy this story...

Sorry for any mistakes, I do re-read put something's always get past me!

* * *

_Previously..._

_I found myself smiling, "you care about me?" it was a childish question but I was feeling insecure, a feeling I had never really had before. I needed some kind of reassurance that he was feeling how I was or at least he was as confused as I was._

_I could hear the smile in his words when he spoke, "yes, I care about you more than I thought I ever would Katniss."_

_It was an admission of undying love but that wasn't what I had wanted but I knew then that he cared, he cared like I cared. I could hear it in his voice and if I had been able to see him I'm sure I would have seen it in his eyes._

_Neither of us knew really what to feel for the other, that much was clear, we were both confused and trapped in a world where feelings weren't really an option but I had hope, hope that maybe one day we could be free to feel what we liked._

_"I care about you too," I whispered before I settled into his side._

_With his arms wrapped around me and my head upon his chest I fell asleep feeling more content than I had in what seemed forever._

* * *

**Possession **

_Nine_

The wind whistled through the trees, I was downwind not that it much mattered; there was no deer to hunt only birds and squirrels. I stepped stealthy through the undergrowth making sure not even a twig snapped beneath me.

I let my arrow fly and the bird fell to the floor, an arrow through its eye.

It was easy to sometimes pretend I was the old Katniss, hunting so my family and I could eat. Of course I didn't need to hunt anymore, or at least not to sustain my family. I hunted because Greasy Sae still needed meat for her stews, I didn't do it for the coin though she often gave me some saying she didn't want anything for free.

Of course I could only pretend to be the old Katniss for so long because when I looked around me while standing in the familiar woods Gale was nowhere to be seen. It saddened me, I missed him and yet if the rumours were true then Gale was not the same person he used to be. Guilt twisted in my stomach at the thought, the rumours were that he took any girl to bed and that he drank in his free time- between working and sleeping with any girl that would have him.

I of course blamed myself. It was because of my pushing him away, albeit unintentional and yet I could not lead him on. It was a fine line, almost invisible.

I didn't know whether to believe the rumours. It was difficult to as the new Gale sounded like a complete ass, a man without morals and that just didn't sound like my Gale at all.

So it shocked me when after hunting I went to Greasy Sae's to sell her the bird I had caught when I saw Gale with Ripper selling him some white liquor. At first I froze, he hadn't seen me and I was in shock. His coins had barely left his hand when he opened bottle and guzzled some down.

It may sound hypocritically considering I drank my fair share but I had been through something that Gale hopefully would never had to. He hadn't taken lives or seen lives being taken, lives of people he cared about... but I had. He had no right, no right at all to throw his life away when I was doing everything I could to make sure he had a life.

I was suddenly jolted from my shock when anger, pure red anger ran through my veins. The bird was forgotten as I stormed over to my once bestfriend, he didn't see me until I grabbed the bottle and yanked it out of his hand. He didn't like that much!

He turned to me, his eyes glazed but angry and the anger only grew when he saw it was me. It seemed is sadness about the situation between himself and I had changed to anger. I didn't know which was worse.

"What are you doing," he said his words sharp and slightly slurred.

I didn't answer straight away; I took a moment to look at him. He looked older than his years, his eyes lifeless and his skin paler than usual. He looked tired, angry and bitter. Scarily he reminded me of Haymitch.

I scowled, "saving you." I simply said before tossing the bottle away, it smashed upon impact with the floor making several people turn their heads to see what was happening.

The audience didn't seem to bother Gale though. He didn't hold back or try and quieten his voice.

"You have no right," he said taking a step forwards. To anyone else it would probably be threatening but I had faced much worse than Gale and deep down, however much Gale was hurting and however much he hated me, I knew he would never hurt me... not physically anyway.

"I have every right," I shot back. "I'm not going to let you waist your life by drinking yourself to death or sleeping with any girl that will have you!"

Gale's lips twisted into a smile that was filled with no love or happiness but anger and cruelty. "Why is it ok for you to drink but no me? Why is ok for you to sleep with pretty boy Finnick and yet I am not allowed to enjoy myself?"

He said it loud enough for people to hear, it was cruel, he knew the rumours would triple and that my name would be associated with the words like slut, alcoholic and wreck. Gale had truly changed and it angered me even more.

I stepped forwards, my posture dangerously still like an animal ready to pounce. My blood was boiling and I could no longer restrain my rage.

"I drink because it keeps the pain away; it sometimes even keeps the nightmares away. I drink because I want to forget, I don't want to remember killing, I don't want to remember the people I lost, people I cared about. I don't want to remember the nightmare I went through," my face was burning, my anger and frustration no doubt making my cheeks burn red as I spoke sharply to my former bestfriend.

I didn't give Gale time to respond and I was past the point of caring who was listening.

"You drink because you feel I wronged you in some way. I'm sorry I hurt you, I never meant to and just because I can't return your feelings doesn't mean you can throw your life away," by the end I was barely whispering.

I was exhausted, mentally.

"You're not the only one who wants to forget. I drink because you hurt me, I feel pain to," he said his tone not as angry as before and yet nowhere as near as soft as it once was.

I found myself barking out a short sharp laugh.

"You know nothing of pain and you have no nightmares to forget," I said my nostrils flaring as I once again tried to control my anger. "Pull yourself together because if this is the life you've chosen then I won't bother trying to save it." Of course it was a lie, I would do anything to make sure Gale lived, even if he wasn't really living.

My eyes widened as I stood stock still, I suddenly realised I had said too much. I cursed myself and glanced at Gale to see his brows furrowed and his face conveying confusion and of course, anger. I had to leave, I had to leave before I said anything else or my anger got out of control.

I had said what I wanted to say. It was Gale's choice now.

"Goodbye Gale," I said before walking away leaving my once bestfriend behind.

I didn't bother wiping away the tears that rolled down my cheeks; I was too exhausted mentally to care. I was a ticking time bomb, a bundle of emotions that had finally come to a head and exploded... I was so controlled all the time but the control had gone and there was only one person I wanted to see; one person who I could take out my sadness, my guilt and my anger on; Finnick.

_Possession _

Ithought I would fall into his arms and cry, or scream and shout at him when I saw him but instead something completely different happened. I was overwhelmed with a need for comfort, his comfort and to forget. I could have turned to the bottle but seeing Gale with glazed eyes and slurring words had, for the time being, made me despise alcohol.

So instead of falling into his arms I jumped into them and instead of crying I found myself attaching my lips to his in a passionate kiss. He didn't react for a minute obviously shocked but soon his lips were moving against mine. We were in the living room and I didn't even know if anyone else was home but I didn't care.

I needed Finnick.

I lifted myself up wrapping my arms around his muscular neck while my legs wrapped around his hips, the bulge in his trousers brushing against my core. My body was tingling from head to toe, my senses were in overdrive as each brush of his lips against mine drove me ever crazier and every time my sex brushed against him I thought I would scream in agony and pleasure.

He walked us to my room, or well our room. His hands tightened on my behind electing a low moan from me. The door shut behind us and I found my back pressed against it as in unison we began to roll our hips.

Things happened quickly after that. More passionate kisses were exchanged as were low groans of pleasure as our clothing began to make its way to the floor, some torn in the urgency to feel one another.

I was thankful that Finnick didn't ask any questions. He would after of course but I didn't want to think about after... I only wanted to think about Finnick and the way he felt against me.

We fell back onto the bed side by side and I boldly rose to straddle him. I rode him carefully at first, growing more confident as I saw the pleasure written on his face. My breast bounced like the rest of me as I rose and fell, my slick folds welcoming him every time I slide down his length. He stretched and filled me, making my eyes roll back in my head as sighs and gasps of pleasure fell from my lips. His hands gripped my hips tightly as I rode him but he didn't try and take control, he seemed to know that I needed to be in control but after I peaked, he rolled me onto my stomach, pulled me to my knees and entered me from behind.

Some unknown instinct guided my hand between my legs, seeking the spot that ached for him and that ached to be touched; his hand followed mine and quickly took over. The sensation became almost too intense for me and I tried to still his fingers but he held me firmly in place, driving me along almost painfully towards another release. I was a babbling moaning mess as he drove his hips forwards and his fingers inwards. Tears welled in my eyes and I almost pleaded with him to stop, but then the wave of ecstasy crashed over me and I stiffened as the pleasure coursed through me. Finnick pushed me down onto the bed and fell on top of me when my cries and moans of pleasure escalated. His short thrusts made me wild with pleasure as I pushed myself back against him. It seemed too much for Finnick to bear; I heard him whispering my name over and over again as he finally spent himself inside me.

He rolled off me and onto his back while I rolled onto my side, my hand resting on his chest as my fingers lazily drew nondescript shapes. I was mentally and physically exhausted and yet my body was buzzing, every nerve alive and charged.

Finnick began stroke my hair, his fingers running through the length of my locks. He turned and my eyes met his, "are you going to tell me what happened?"

I stared into his eyes almost getting lost within them. I didn't want to spoil the moment and so and I shook my head. "No yet," I whispered before catching his lips within mine.

My past was bleak and filled with horrors and my future was looking no brighter but in that moment everything was perfect. I wanted to stay in that moment forever... but forever would have to wait because it had to give way to reality.

_Possession _

They were leaving, my training was complete. The Victors tour was in two weeks and then it was on to the Capitol. Strangely enough though, I was more scared of not seeing Finnick until I arrived at District 4 than I was about what awaited me in the Capitol.

There were still so many unspoken words between me and Finnick, things that we felt for one another that we didn't dare speak. Happy ever afters were a dream so I would have to settle for dreaming of a life with Finnick and I did often and it wasn't until I was standing alone watching the train disappear into the distance did I realise...

In the couple of months I had know Finnick Odair, I had slowly but surely fallen in love with him.

_Oh crap! _

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**AN: **Sorry for the delay. Did you enjoy it? Please let me know what you think, every review puts a smile on my face. Remember reviews equal motivation which means more chapters.


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: **Sorry for the delay in updating. I kind of lost my way with this story but then I saw Catching Fire trailer and suddenly thoughts just started flowing. Who else has seen the trailer? I can't wait to see it.

Thank you to all those reviewing and following, it means a lot to me.

-I have more or less copied the District 11 speech about Rue and Thresh from the book, no infringement intended but it was too beautiful to change.-

Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter and please as always leave a review and let me know what you think.

Sorry for any mistakes, I do re-read my chapters but mistake always seem to slip past me.

* * *

**Possession**

_Ten _

President Snow announced I would be staying in the Capitol after the Victors Tour was over; this announcement came only a day before the Victors tour began. He announced it live to all twelve districts; I of course was expecting something of the sort but Prim and my mother were not.

Prim had rushed into Haymitch's house with unshed tears in her eyes and had wrapped her arms around my waist and buried her head into the soft fur jacket I had been wearing.

"Are you going to come back," she had asked.

I knelt down before her, not wanting her to think I was abandoning her.

"Of course little duck," I said softly. "I just have to stay for a while, learn how to become a mentor, that's all."

Haymitch and I had thought up that idea a few weeks ago when we thought President Snow might announce it at some unexpected time and with no real explanation. Prim seemed to accept it but my mother however did not, I could see it in her eyes and yet she said nothing for Prim's sake. For that I was thankful.

Finnick phoned that day, telling me he too would be staying in the Capitol with me. It was a comfort but also a worry. There was no room for love in my life and especially not with a courtesan like myself. How could we even begin to start something when we would both be sharing our beds with strangers each night? But I could not stop my feelings, I was in love with Finnick and the only way to make sure nothing ever happened between us was for me to keep it to myself.

One day the feelings would fade. _Right?_

Cinna had stayed when Finnick and Johanna had left. He would be dressing me for each District and each event, for that I was thankful. I would have him and Haymitch beside me and that would be enough until I reached District 4 and see Finnick again.

Even the thought of him made my heart race and I would find myself mentally kicking myself a lot. I had never felt so strongly about someone before, loved someone who wasn't my family. It was a strange, nice and yet unnerving and slightly scary feeling; one I was still coming to terms with.

It was the morning the Victors tour began that I found myself woken by one unmistakeable voice. Effie.

"Wakey wakey, we have a big day ahead of us," she said with a happiness to her voice that was above and beyond anything that was needed.

I let my eyes flutter open and closed several times, adjusting to the bright light of the morning sun and of course, the brightness that covered Effie from head to toe. Apparently green was her knew favourite colour.

"Good morning," she said pulling open the curtains. "Rise and shine, Cinna is waiting to dress you as soon as you've eaten." Effie stared at me as I slowly rose from bed, stretching my muscles.

"Yes, you must definitely eat. You've lost weight," she said as she walked to the door, only stopping to add. "And not in a good way."

I stared still half asleep as she shut the door behind her. I was not one to not like the morning but the lack of sleep made it very difficult to rise from the soft mattress and it made it even more difficult knowing what the day had in store for me.

The Victors tour.

From my own District to the Capitol I was expected to give a speech at each stop. For some Districts it would be easier than others, my own and 11 I knew would be the hardest.

But I held onto the thought of seeing Finnick again. It was what I had to think about to calm the tidal waves of fear within me. I had promised myself that I wouldn't like the Capitol break me and I was going to make damn sure I kept that promise.

_Possession_

I stared at my reflection before turning to Cinna.

"What happened? Am I no longer the girl on fire," I said with a slight smile.

I was in white. A girlish, white, knee length dress with a white rose in my hair.

"I look so young, nice..." I trailed off. Meeting my eyes with Cinna's, "I look pure." I finally understood.

Cinna raised his brows, "from what I understand it was a direct order from Snow himself."

I barked out a laugh. "I look like a young virginal girl. Pure and sweet." I laughed as not to punch something for underneath the humour I found in the situation it also made everything seem very, very real.

In just under a month I would belong to the Capitol completely.

"Katniss?" Cinna said softly when the silence had continued for quite some time.

I sighed, "It's suddenly become so real." I said barely above a whispered but Cinna was before me and heard every word though he had nothing to say in return. There were no words of comfort anyone could offer, not even Finnick.

"I'm sorry this is happening to you," he said finally. The same words he had spoken the first time I had met him, when I was preparing for the Hunger Games.

I met his eyes with mine.

I had survived that.

I could survive this.

_Possession_

I stood in the Justice Building, Haymitch, Effie and Cinna with me. Waiting. I would soon walk onto the stage and speak to the crowd of District 12, the people I had grown up with, who I had sold my game to and yet I was not that girl, I was not the girl they knew anymore.

Effie walked on stage behind me when the Mayor introduced me, her hand resting on my back, her way of supporting me. I was grateful for that small act of kindness.

I stood in front of the microphone, waiting for the applause to stop so I could read the Capitol prepared speech. I saw no faces, not features to distinguish one person from another; everything was a blur until I saw them.

I realised, staring at the faces of the Mellark family that I had avoided them since returning from the Hunger Games. I couldn't face them because what could I say? Their son had died and I had lived. But looking at them then I knew I just had to speak the truth, from my heart and not the Capitol speech that had been prepared, they needed to understand that I regretted Peeta's death every day and that I cared about him.

"The night before the Hunger Games began Peeta told me something. He told me that he wasn't going to let the games change him, that if he was going to die he would die being himself. I didn't understand him at the time, I thought him foolish because how could the hunger games not change anyone? But now, now I realise he wasn't foolish, he was the bravest and best of us all. He died himself, his loving, kind sacrificing self. And I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I'm here and not him because he should have won, someone as kind as him deserved to live."

I spoke directly to his family, they needed to hear and see that I spoke the truth.

"I cared about your son; I loved him in my own way. I haven't forgotten what he did for me; I will remember him until the day I die. He won't be forgotten."

The silence was deafening and then slowly, one by one, the people of District 12 pressed three fingers to their lips and then saluted. The gesture one they had once before directed at me, the day of my reaping. There was no applause just the silent sign of respect.

I didn't know then that it was dangerous. I didn't know of the unrest and that I was the spark that would set everything aflame.

As I was about to be ushered from the stage I caught sight of a pair of grey eyes that I knew so well. He smiled slightly and nodded his head and I knew that he had taken my words to heart. He looked sober and he looked at me with sadness and longing. I briefly wondered how long he would stay sober for, whether the images of me with Capitol men would make him revert back to the bottle but for the time being Gale was sober, he was going to live his life. I hung onto that.

Before leaving District 12, much like I had on my reaping day, I got a short time to say goodbye. There was only Prim, Gale didn't come see me and my mother stood silently waiting for Prim.

"Come home soon," Prim said softly her eyes glistening with unshed tears.

I cupped her cheek and kissed her forehead, hoping that when I return she wouldn't look at me differently, hoping she wouldn't hate me like I knew Gale, my mother and many people I knew would.

"I will little duck," I said softly holding back my own tears. "As soon as I can."

I was ushered onto the train quickly and I watched as District 12 was left behind us. Everything was so eerily similar; I had taken this trip before, dreading reaching the Capitol and I didn't know which fate was worse, the Hunger Games or being sold to the highest bidders. I was soon to find out though.

_Possession_

We reach District 11 later that night but I would not be addressing the crowd until the following day and so we would be stay with Chaff something Haymitch is looking forward to, and me too.

The alcohol flowed that night, Cinna and Effie went to bed long before Haymitch, Chaff and me. Earlier in the night Seeder had also made an appearance had shared in some of the liquor that was being doled out.

I drank to keep the fear away, the dread of having to stand up and face the families of District 11 especially the family I had failed. Rue's. I didn't know what I was going to say but again I felt that the scripted Capitol words were not good enough, not for Rue nor Thresh the boy who had spared my life.

The drink so I would feel numb to everything.

Numb seemed like a good state to be in, no fear, no dread; no nothing. I forgot about everything, even my growing anxiousness over Finnick and what I was to do after realising that I was in fact in love with him; at least, I think that's how I felt.

I had never been in love, I wasn't entirely sure what it was supposed to feel like but I imagined it was close to what I felt for Finnick. And it scared me, almost as much as becoming a Capitol plaything.

_Possession _

Standing in front of the sea of faces, District 11 looked up at me with sad dull eyes and yet in some I could see something else, something more. I could only describe as fire; they had fire in their eyes, a hope. What they were hoping for I did not know so pushing back everything I simply spoke, I spoke only words from my heart; the truth.

"I want to give my thanks to the tributes of District 11," I said, looking at the two women I knew to be part Thresh's family. "I only ever spoke to Thresh one time. Just long enough for him to spare my life. I didn't know him, but I always respected him. For his power. For his refusal to play the Games on anyone's terms but his own. The Careers wanted him to team up with them from the beginning, but he wouldn't do it. I respected him for that."

An old hunched woman, I presumed to be Thresh's grandmother raises her head and a trace of a smile plays on her lips.

The crowd was silent, so silent that I wondered if they were holding their breath.

I turned to Rue's family next. "But I feel as if I did know Rue, and she'll always be with me. Everything beautiful brings her to mind. I see her in the yellow flowers that grow in the Meadow by my house. I see her in the mockingjays that sing in the trees. But most of all, I see her in my sister, Prim." My voice is shaking but I carry on because I have to, because I need to.

"Thank you for your children." I said softly, sadly and then I raised my head to look at the entire crowd. "And thank you all for the bread."

I stood feeling emotionally drained and exhausted, I felt broken and small with so many eyes staring up at me. There was a long pause. Then, from somewhere in the crowd, someone whistles Rue's four-note mockingjay tune. I found the whistler, he looked wise, an old man in dirty old overalls. His eyes met mine.

What happened next was no accident, unlike what had in District 12 where the salute was one by one, people catching on and showing respect, in 11 it was different. It happened in complete unison. Every person in the crowd presses the three middle fingers of their left hand against their lips and extends them to me.

The last goodbye I gave Rue. The action brought tears to my eyes.

I was ushered quickly into the Justice building, thankful that no one apart from Haymitch would see my tears but then, something made me look back and just before the doors closed I saw it.

A pair of Peacekeepers dragged the old man who whistled to the top of the steps. They forced him to his knees before the crowd and then, making me gasp and try to run to his aid, they pointed a gun at his head... and shot.

The tears were unstoppable, I couldn't hold them in and I turned frantically to Haymitch who was swearing. Effie who was screeching at the top of her voice demanding they all be taken to the train immediately for safety and Cinna just stared at me, his eyes seemed to be seeing straight into my fear filled heart.

"What just happened?" I whispered... but no one answered.

* * *

**AN: **So, what did you think? Please leave a review as I love to hear what you guys think and you have all been so lovely so far. Anyway, Finnick will be in the next chapter so do not worry... hope you all enjoyed it.


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